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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:24 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…
But I refused.
If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:25 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
When I was a kid my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:27 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I've been to at least 10 newsagents this morning and can't find a single dirty magazine anywhere!
What's the world cumming too?
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:31 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Registration on the first day back at school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here"
Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here"
Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here"
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here"
Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer
Ali Sun Al En?
Little girl at the back stands up and yells ........ "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for fuck sake !"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:38 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:40 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your hair'
Anyone else concerned about trusting German shower products
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:48 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Some kids knocked on my door trick or treating,
I told them to fuck off with their American shit, they said "nothing wrong with American culture mister"
so I shot the fuckers.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:59 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My daughter came running in and said, "Daddy, I've just seen two fairies at the bottom of the garden."
Humouring her I said, "Really, what were they doing?"
She said, "Sucking each other's cocks."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:00 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary.
If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:10 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Bloody millennials, walking round like they rent the place
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:13 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"Its important we remember the true meaning of Easter", says the Archbishop of Cadbury.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:20 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife has been in a coma for two weeks now and doctors have told me to expect the worst.
So I've had to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:23 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies."
I replied, "Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 12:27 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
shu wrote: ↑Mon Mar 02, 2020 10:03 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Sat Apr 21, 2018 8:57 am
The toothbrush was invented in Norfolk.
Anywhere else, it would've been called a teethbrush.
Ha ha I am from Norwich
A young girl from Norwich wrote to an agony aunt in her local paper,
Dear Deidre I'm a 13 year old girl from Norwich and I'm still a virgin.
Do you think my brothers are gay?!
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2020 1:49 pm
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:59 am
My daughter came running in and said, "Daddy, I've just seen two fairies at the bottom of the garden."
Humouring her I said, "Really, what were they doing?"
She said, "Sucking each other's cocks."
