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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2022 6:31 pm
by StuartL
I managed to keep my 2021 resolution not to masturbate

I knocked one out this morning to check all was working.

That was a big relief.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2022 7:37 pm
by OneBardGooner
StuartL wrote:
Sat Jan 01, 2022 6:31 pm
I managed to keep my 2021 resolution not to masturbate

I knocked one our this morning to check all was working.

That was a big relief.
:shock: :shock: :shock:

What!!?? You didn't ave a J Arfur for the whole of 2021!????

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:15 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The price of grooming products is getting ridiculous,

70p for a small tube of Smarties!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:16 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
People think that trans women are not real women

Yet their constant whining, attention-seeking and determination to fucking spoil everything, suggests otherwise

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:18 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
BBC News - A man from Lancashire has been shot by police in Texas.

Fuck me, that's one hell of a good shot.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:19 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
They say Prince Andrew can get off on a legal technicality.

Is there nothing the pervert doesn't find arousing?.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:21 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Midget gems have been renamed after complaints from disability charities

They shall now be known as short arsed spazzy little freak chews.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:22 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Just found out Sir Anthony Hopkins is Welsh.

Certainly explains why he wanted those lambs to keep quiet.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:23 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Think I'll declare war on Afghanistan or somewhere like that.

I quite fancy a knighthood.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:24 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Back in the day i didn't know 'Oral B' was a toothbrush.

I thought she was the sluttier member of the Spice girls.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:32 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I can’t begin to tell you how much I fucking regret buying the flat above Lionel Ritchie.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:37 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was attending a seminar recently and was asked to list 10 sexual innuendos.

I accidentally wrote down 11 and had to rub one out

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:38 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck.

Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:41 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
And the results are in. 100% of women agree its not the size of the penis that matters.

It's the fact I'm at the school gates

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2022 11:45 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"I want you to come over here and do me up the shitter," she demanded.

Even as I was unbuckling my belt I couldn't help thinking that Nan's dementia was definitely getting worse.