The Gooner Forum

I've just seen a goose walking down our street, I immediately ran out and shouted BOO! at it.

Fuck the system.

Kurt zouma is starring in a remake of a classic pantomime;...........

Boots in puss.

If a female boxer starts her period during a fight,

should her corner throw in the towel?.

Grandad didn't mind if people came round while he was working

Lovely man, shit anaesthetist

In an unexpected twist, Prince Andrew is now paying Virginia Giuffre to keep her mouth closed.

Camilla stricken with coronavirus. Just what we need, a fucking equine variant!

Roses are red

Violets are pricey

Free flowers from an accident black-spot

That'll do nicely

- Sofia Jirau makes history as first Victoria's Secret model with Downs Syndrome.

Also, not my proudest wannk.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Fri Feb 18, 2022 2:57 pm

In an unexpected twist, Prince Andrew is now paying Virginia Giuffre to keep her mouth closed.

I got cut off by a taxi driver last week.
I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.
I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue.
"How much to the station ?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ok" I said "Let's go"
As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!..

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Fri Feb 18, 2022 3:01 pm

- Sofia Jirau makes history as first Victoria's Secret model with Downs Syndrome.

Also, not my proudest wannk.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Fri Feb 18, 2022 3:01 pm

- Sofia Jirau makes history as first Victoria's Secret model with Downs Syndrome.

Also, not my proudest wannk.

Mine neither!

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.
He spoke to his toes:
"Hello toes." He said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!"
"Hello, knees!" He continued. "How are you? You know you're 92 today.. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think, If you were alive today, you'd be 92."

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Fri Feb 18, 2022 2:33 pm

I told my neighbour I was going on holiday and he asked me to bring him back two hundred cigarettes.

Yesterday I knocked on his door and said “I've got your cigs, you owe me £130”

He said “£130? Where hell have you been?”

“Cornwall”

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids.

He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is some time for questions.

Little Sasha puts her hand up and says "I have two questions:

Why did the Russians take Crimea? And why are we now sending troops to Ukraine?"

Putin says "Good questions..." But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go for lunch.

When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions so another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says,

"I have four questions. My Questions are:

Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?

Why did the bell go 20 minutes early for lunch? And where is Sasha?