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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:26 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Warm up on the pitch. Run out with a flag. Line up with the team. Have a minutes silence. Stand with Ukraine. Then Take the knee. Applaud for the fan who died.

It's like a fucking Black Lace record.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:30 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
According to official sources, Japan recorded its hottest ever days last week at a maximum of 106f.

I dispute that. August 6th & 9th 1945

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:33 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I'm sorry for poking fun at Paralympians.

It's just my prosthetic attempt at a joke

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:34 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
'...I joined a Carpenter's class the other day. We haven't made anything yet.

We've only just begun.'

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:37 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Today is International Women's Day so I told the wife to have a lie-in this morning.

Waiting a extra half hour for my breakfast is a small sacrifice to make.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:38 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife claimed she was late coming home tonight because she was ambushed by a group of elderly men who pinned her down and repaired her shoes.
Sounds like a load of old cobblers to me.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:42 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I don't take anything serious in the newspaper, except for fish and chips.

And even that I take with a pinch of salt.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:49 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I hug my girlfriend really tight after sex.

That way she deflates quicker.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Why did the bigamist cross the road?

To get to the other bride.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 3:58 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My friend has two children: One has learning difficulties and the other has bulimia.

As a family they've really been through thick and thin.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:02 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I just failed my RAF entrance exam.

Apparently 'the bombay doors' are NOT an Indian tribute band.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:03 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I just failed my RAF entrance exam.

Apparently 'the bombay doors' are NOT an Indian tribute band.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:04 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The missus said she was leaving me because I keep talking like a news reader.

More on that story later.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:07 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Sometimes I call the number on missing dog posters and just bark!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:12 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wifes always bragging that she can get a whole bottle of bathroom cleaner up her snatch '

flash cunnt ,