Page 186 of 222
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2022 10:37 am
by OneBardGooner
Midz wrote: ↑Wed Nov 09, 2022 4:08 pm
I've just tried to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween & the girl in the shop tried to sell me a Tottenham shirt.
I said I think you must have misheard me..... I want to look like a count!
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2022 6:07 pm
by Block93
DB10GOONER wrote: ↑Fri Nov 11, 2022 7:57 am
Midz wrote: ↑Wed Nov 09, 2022 4:08 pm
I've just tried to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween & the girl in the shop tried to sell me a Tottenham shirt.
I said I think you must have misheard me..... I want to look like a count!
That's a variation on the old line......
I've just grown a beard and someone said it made me look like a foreign count. At least that's what I think he said.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2022 6:35 pm
by Block93
Some worried bloke chatting to his mate, 'I've got this strange green ring that goes right round my cock and I'm too scared to go to the doctor about it'.
Don't worry pal, I had something very similar, except mine was a red mark right round it. Went to the doc, he gave me some ointment to rub on it and it's fine now.'
So the bloke goes to the quack, who takes one look at his cock and the green ring, gets his sharpest scalpel and whips his todger right off, there and then.
'Doc, doc, what have you done? My mate said he had a red ring around his cock and you just gave him some ointment for it.....????.
'Yes, but his was lipstick, yours was gangrene!'
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2022 8:29 pm
by Midz
I've just got my Xmas lights out today. They remind me so much of Liverpool fans.
Hardly any of the fuckers work, and the ones that do aren't very bright.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2022 10:37 pm
by DB10GOONER
Midz wrote: ↑Fri Nov 25, 2022 8:29 pm
I've just got my Xmas lights out today. They remind me so much of Liverpool fans.
Hardly any of the fuckers work, and the ones that do aren't very bright.
Did they also kill anyone?
Too far?
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2022 10:34 am
by OneBardGooner
Midz wrote: ↑Fri Nov 25, 2022 8:29 pm
I've just got my Xmas lights out today. They remind me so much of Liverpool fans.
Hardly any of the fuckers work, and the ones that do aren't very bright.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2022 10:36 am
by OneBardGooner
DB10GOONER wrote: ↑Fri Nov 25, 2022 10:37 pm
Midz wrote: ↑Fri Nov 25, 2022 8:29 pm
I've just got my Xmas lights out today. They remind me so much of Liverpool fans.
Hardly any of the fuckers work, and the ones that do aren't very bright.
Did they also kill anyone?
Too far?
Nope!!!! Never!
just thought of something, that Joke would have to have been stolen from someone else to make it an authentic scouser joke!
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2022 9:34 pm
by corkbarry1
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every
single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with
her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells
"Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her
composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told
you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss,"
he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is,
you haven't broken every bone in your body.
The bad news is, you've broken
your finger."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 8:45 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Its now cheaper to get burgled than it is to leave a light on when you go on holiday
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 8:51 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
'...I joined a Carpenter's class the other day.
We haven't made anything yet.
We've only just begun.'
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Somebody wrote, "procrastinating twat!" on the side of my house.
When I find out who did it, their fucking years are numbered.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 9:06 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"Can I ask a stupid question?," said my wife.
"Better than anyone I've ever met," I replied.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 9:09 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I?ve been buying birthday cards for everyone at our local Tourette's Society.
It's the thought that cunnts.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 9:53 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Why are women evacuated first in a disaster?
So men can think of a solution in silence.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2022 9:54 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I had a massive cock when I was a kid.
Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Malley.