Page 196 of 252

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue May 09, 2023 9:48 pm
by DB10GOONER
OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue May 09, 2023 7:54 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol:


Over there even the Vegans eat Cats
:coffeespit:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:49 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
We?ve just had a Sunday League cup tie against a team from the local quarry.

We beat them 2-1 on aggregate.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:50 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The shop near me is selling a plant based alterative to vapes...

Cigarettes.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:51 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Charles and Camilla weren?t wearing seatbelts in the Royal Carriage today.

What a nice tribute to Diana.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:52 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
This weekend, I bet on three horses called Sunshine, Moonlight, and Good Times, and none of them won.

I blame it on the bookie

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:54 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language. There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:54 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
People applauded when they witnessed a dwarf abseiling down a prison wall.

I saw it as a little condescending

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:55 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I made the mistake of kidnapping someone from Norfolk.

Cost me a fucking fortune sending their fingers in the post.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 8:57 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing to your liver?" the Doctor asked.

"Fuck off doc," I replied, "You always try this one when it's your round."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 9:01 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Broken quiz machine for sale..

No questions asked.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 9:03 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"I don't do anal or oral, and you must wear a condom and it's £50 up front. "

"Fucking hell mum, no wonder dad fucked off. "

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 9:03 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Scottish police officers are angry about having to be clean shaven.

The men aren't too keen either.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 9:13 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
They say you burn as many calories having sex as you do running until you're exhausted.

So the ladies in my local park get a double workout when I'm around.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 9:14 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I knew I had arrived in Wales when I saw that all the livestock magazines were wrapped in plastic.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri May 12, 2023 9:16 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"I just can't stop using the stuff," I told the other addicts. "I go through about two bottles a day. Honestly the bathroom looks like Hiroshima sometimes... "

"Sorry to interrupt mate, but I think you're in the wrong room. Talcoholics Anonymous is next door."