The Gooner Forum

A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant in town and she says, "Wow! Smell that food, it smells delicious!"
Being a kindhearted Scot he thought, "What the hell... I'll treat her!"
So they walked past the restaurant again...

Took my trousers to the dry cleaners and said.."can you get another stain out of these like you did last week?"
He replied "Come again."
I said. "No, Red Wine this time."

My girlfriends been going down on me every day for the past month, I think I need a puncture repair kit

I've decided to identify as an American.

Well I'm going to give it a shot anyway

My gay mate is into extreme anal insertions but just broke up with his boyfriend.

I told him not to be sad, after all there's plenty of other fists in the sea.

A girl in the US was shot in the head whilst playing hide and seek.

She clearly wasn't very good.

In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a lathe and whittle away until they are left with a perfectly formed bat. The bat will be cured and treated to strengthen it and then, when it is finally ready, they will use it to knock a leather ball around a park.

In Scotland, they just throw the fucking tree.

I met my new Spanish girlfriend at a local castanet club.

We just clicked.

There's some crackers there Lefty.. Thank-You... I laughed with tears in my eyes....That'll teach me to read your posts while peeling onions! Boom! Boom!

Especially the Tribute to Diana one!
and
The Welsh magazines one!

That last one was Baaaaaa ad!

OneBardGooner wrote: ↑

Fri May 12, 2023 1:29 pm

There's some crackers there Lefty.. Thank-You... I laughed with tears in my eyes....That'll teach me to read your posts while peeling onions! Boom! Boom!

Especially the Tribute to Diana one!
and
The Welsh magazines one!

That last one was Baaaaaa ad!

Cheers mate, I know that last one was so bad that I had to put it in

Ohhh! Come on don't get all Sheepish on me!

OneBardGooner wrote: ↑

Fri May 12, 2023 5:45 pm

Ohhh! Come on don't get all Sheepish on me!

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Fri May 12, 2023 9:31 am

Took my trousers to the dry cleaners and said.."can you get another stain out of these like you did last week?"
He replied "Come again."
I said. "No, Red Wine this time."

One for DB

What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?

Stupid question, even a child knows that.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Fri May 12, 2023 7:45 pm

One for DB

What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?

Stupid question, even a child knows that.