The Gooner Forum

Posted: **Wed Sep 30, 2009 9:30 am**

DB10GOONER wrote:My mate Bernard had his "tough guy New Yorker" brother in law Darren staying with him for a couple weeks a few years ago. Darren was a mouthy fucker, reckoned he was a drinking legend in his hometown etc etc... Being in Ireland, old Dazza decided he wanted to go out on a real Oirish session. So we brought him up to our local and he insisted he wanted to drink in the old man's bar out front. So in we went.

Darren decides he's drinking Guinness. So I buy a round. Bernard buys a round. Darren buys a round. Everything is fairly ok, although Darren has started to slur his words...

Off we go again with the rounds; me then Bernard and then Darren is having a little dificulty getting out of his seat to go to the bar. He makes it but looks a bit fucked up... At the bar he decides to talk to this old builder called Mick. Now old Mick has seen it all done it all and has a very deadpan sense of humour.

Mick asks Darren "Are you on the session there, son?"

Darren slurs, "Yeah... we're drinking the Guinness... man it's a strong beer..."

Mick just nods and says, "Yep. The first dozen are the hardest."

Anyway Darren just about finished that pint but he was waffling and swaying all over the place. I bought another round and about half way through that pint his head starts to nod and his eyes are slipping closed and he asks Bernard to bring him home. Bernard does so and arrives back at the pub laughing his ass off. He had had to carry Darren up the street to his house and when they got in Darren made a bee-line for bed. So much for the NYC drinking legend!

Joke was on Bernard though; we went clubbing that night and when he got home about 4am he found Darren asleep fully clothed in the bathtub. The bathtub was a third full with vomit and Darren was caked in the stuff. Darren had also managed to vomit in his bed, in the wardrobe, in the sink and (mysteriously) in the fridge downstairs... the only place he managed to miss was the toilet bowl!

Funnily enough Darren never visited again.

Posted: **Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:49 am**

franksav63 wrote:DB10... that's funny, reminds me of looking after my mate on a football trip to Florence a couple of years ago, he got absolutely slaughtered on the black stuff, and he also finished up in the bathtub, but instead of vomit, he had pissed himself in the bath.

I had to hang all his wet clothes out on the balcony for him, (well it's what mates do) (please, no gay references to this as it's drink related).

The things we do to help a mate. And the things beer makes us do!

When I was about 20 and my younger bro was about 18 a crowd of about 10 of us went out on the beer. We all piled into a mate's hi-ace van (NOT a traveller, he was a landscaper) and we drove to this club about 15 miles away. Got more pissed. On the way home my younger bro and one of my mates Ray started mess-wrestling each other on the floor of the van. I sat there smugly laughing to myself because I knew the floor was filthy with dirt and mud from my mate landscaping all week and the two gobshites were rolling around in it.

Anyway next morning I was awoken from my drunken stupor by my mother's voice down the hall asking my bro what in God's name he had been up to as his clothes were covered in dirt and so was he. I laughed out loud. Then my mom walked into my room and asked what I had been up to... I was a bit nonplussed. She lifted my jeans and white shirt up from the dresser and showed me them. They were totally brown, caked in dirt. Then she pointed at my pillow. It too was covered in dirt. I staggered out of bed and gazed stupidly into the mirror. From the neck up I was totally covered in brown dirt. I looked like a faded Black & White Minstrel!!

Of course, when you disturb dirt, the dust rises. And then settles again...

Funniest bit was when my mom asked me if I had now moved back in... I had actually moved out about a month previously...

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