NEW JOKE THREAD

TheCook · Post by **TheCook** » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:38 am

I texted my boss earlier saying "what's the difference between this morning and your daughter".

He said "I don't know.

I said "I'm not coming in this morning"

Post by **DB10GOONER** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:19 pm

Have you ever noticed that â€œdyslexiaâ€

Number 5 · Post by **Number 5** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:33 pm

[quote="DB10GOONER"]Have you ever noticed that â€œdyslexiaâ€

storrmin571 · Post by **storrmin571** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:24 pm

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, "This is for the flowers!" "Don't be silly" says Paddy, "You must have a vase somewhere!"

storrmin571 · Post by **storrmin571** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:29 pm

Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card had one word written on it: 'Nescafe'.

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: 'Good till the last drop'. Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding. The card read: 'Rothmans'.

Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes she read from the pack: 'Extra Long. King Size' She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Air New Zealand'.

Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ. The ad said: 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'

Post by **DB10GOONER** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:22 am

[quote="Number 5"][quote="DB10GOONER"]Have you ever noticed that â€œdyslexiaâ€

Post by **REB** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:35 am

At least after the 2022 World Cup, Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.

Post by **Chippy** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:41 am

REBEL GOONER wrote:At least after the 2022 World Cup, Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.

Post by **DB10GOONER** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:47 am

REBEL GOONER wrote:At least after the 2022 World Cup, Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.

Quality.

Post by **REB** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:48 am

for chippy

When I was at school, the other pupils voted me: "Pupil most likely to end up in a mental institution."

They got that wrong!

Turns out I'm actually: "Only pupil who didn't die in a mysterious unexplained accident."

Percy Dalton · Post by **Percy Dalton** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:54 am

REBEL GOONER wrote:for chippy

When I was at school, the other pupils voted me: "Pupil most likely to end up in a mental institution."

They got that wrong!

Turns out I'm actually: "Only pupil who didn't die in a mysterious unexplained accident."

Does the term 'joke' have another meaning in Oireland?

In Engerland it means something funny or humourous!

Post by **REB** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 9:58 am

it wasnt that bad

Percy Dalton · Post by **Percy Dalton** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:00 am

REBEL GOONER wrote:it wasnt that good

Corrected!

cusamano · Post by **cusamano** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:00 am

storrmin571 wrote:Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card had one word written on it: 'Nescafe'.

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: 'Good till the last drop'. Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding. The card read: 'Rothmans'.

Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes she read from the pack: 'Extra Long. King Size' She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Air New Zealand'.

Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ. The ad said: 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'

treygoony · Post by **treygoony** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:54 am

Fifa committee - Love money

Russia - Massive oil reserves

Qatar - Massive gas reserves

England - Nectar points

D'oh!