A few jokes

Post by **REB** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 12:40 pm

wayno

im still laughing

thought it was real till the end,, pure class

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 12:40 pm

THE FOLLOWING EXPLANATIONS FOR VARIOUS AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENTS WERE TAKEN FROM CLAIM FILES OF MUTUAL SERVICE INSURANCE COMPANY:

1. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

2. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

3. A trunk backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

4. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

5. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with his rear-end showing.

6. I told the police I was not injured; but upon removing my hat, I found I had a fractured skull.

7. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

8. When I saw that I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and subsequently crashed into the other car.

9. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law the seat and headed over the embankment.

10. I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.

11. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

12. I first saw the slow-moving, sad-faced man when he bounced off the hood of my car.

13. The accident happened when the right front door of a car came around the corner without giving any signal.

14. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

15. A pedestrian I did not see, hit me, then went sliding under my car.

16. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.

17. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

18. The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into another vehicle.

Post by **I Hate Hleb** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 12:43 pm

WAYNO,

JASPER CARROT WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU FOR REPEATING HIS WHOLE ACT!!

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:37 pm

I Hate Hleb wrote:WAYNO,

JASPER CARROT WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU FOR REPEATING HIS WHOLE ACT!!

I never claimed they were mine, perhaps I should have stated that they belonged to a third party.

Post by **I Hate Hleb** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:29 pm

I UNDERSTAND WAYNO. ALTHOUGH YOU'RE A VERY FUNNY MAN YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT BREAKING DOWN ON THIS JOKE TELLING THREAD, SO WANTED THE INSURANCE OF SOME GENUINELY COMIC STUFF AS COVER IN CASE YOU COULDN'T PRODUCE THE GOODS. MUST SAY THAT THE LIST OF CRAZY MOTOR CLAIMS YOU WROTE OF(F)WAS COMPREHENSIVE INDEED!!

Charlie! Charlie! · Post by **Charlie! Charlie!** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:34 pm

I have decided that it is no longer my policy to get involved with silly gags

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:41 pm

If you want proof of no claims, then you only have my word as there were no witnesses.

Sorry if I accidently mislead you

Hopefully that's covered it. [/b]

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:43 pm

Charlie! Charlie! wrote:I have decided that it is no longer my policy to get involved with silly gags

I'll discount that remark

Post by **I Hate Hleb** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:45 pm

IT'S SETTLED THEN!!

Charlie! Charlie! · Post by **Charlie! Charlie!** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:46 pm

I Hate Hleb wrote:IT'S SETTLED THEN!!

Thats a bit excessive

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:48 pm

Post by **I Hate Hleb** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:56 pm

Charlie! Charlie! wrote:
I Hate Hleb wrote:IT'S SETTLED THEN!!

Thats a bit excessive

I'VE REGISTERED YOUR CONCERNS CHARLIE! CHARLIE!. HOWEVER, GOOD JOKES ON THIS TOPIC ARE AT A PREMIUM, AND IF WE CONTINUE TO ENGINEER THESE BAD PUNS, WE RUN THE RISK OF CAREERING OUT OF CONTROL AND CRUSHING THE WILL TO LIVE OF ALL THE READERS OF THIS THREAD.

Charlie! Charlie! · Post by **Charlie! Charlie!** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:58 pm

I Hate Hleb wrote:
Charlie! Charlie! wrote:
I Hate Hleb wrote:IT'S SETTLED THEN!!

Thats a bit excessive

I'VE REGISTERED YOUR CONCERNS CHARLIE! CHARLIE!. HOWEVER, GOOD JOKES ON THIS TOPIC ARE AT A PREMIUM, AND IF WE CONTINUE TO ENGINEER THESE BAD PUNS, WE RUN THE RISK OF CAREERING OUT OF CONTROL AND CRUSHING THE WILL TO LIVE OF ALL THE READERS OF THIS THREAD.

IHH you are a liability

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:06 pm

Charlie! Charlie! wrote:
I Hate Hleb wrote:
Charlie! Charlie! wrote:
I Hate Hleb wrote:IT'S SETTLED THEN!!

Thats a bit excessive

I'VE REGISTERED YOUR CONCERNS CHARLIE! CHARLIE!. HOWEVER, GOOD JOKES ON THIS TOPIC ARE AT A PREMIUM, AND IF WE CONTINUE TO ENGINEER THESE BAD PUNS, WE RUN THE RISK OF CAREERING OUT OF CONTROL AND CRUSHING THE WILL TO LIVE OF ALL THE READERS OF THIS THREAD.

IHH you are a liability

He's an accident waiting to happen

Wayno · Post by **Wayno** » Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:11 pm

George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?" "I have three questions: First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?; Second- why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we? Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and asks his name. "Steve!" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have five questions: First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?; Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and Fifth - what happened to Billy?"