The Cricket Thread

[officepest]

England win the toss and will bowl first. It's very cloudy now and it'll need to stay that way because if Australia pile on the runs, Cook will look a cock.

Wood replaces the injured Anderson and Aus recall Shaun Marsh for, er, Mitchell Marsh I reckon.

[officepest]

What a start for England!

Broad has his 300th test wicket, dismissing Rogers for 0 with a ball that seamed away and was caught by Cook at slip. He has batted superbly so far this series and England will be delighted to see the back of him.

Aus 4 – 0 and here comes Smith.

[officepest]

Broad strikes Again – unbelievable, Jeff!

Aus are 10 – 2 in the first over, mental stuff. Broad strikes again, dismissing Smith for 6 caught by Root in the slips. It looks like we’ve been taking tips from Anderson on how to bowl at Trent Bridge.

It also looks like I’ve ‘done a Nut Flush’ and my day 5 ticket will be absolutely useless.

[officepest]

I. Cannot. Keep. Up.

Wood takes the new ball and dismisses Warner for 0 – this is fucking crazy. In comes Clarke and England are absolutely flying.

10 – 3.

[officepest]

I don’t like cricket – I fucking love it.

Broad. Bell. Marsh. Out.

Australia are an utter shambles this morning with the latest man to depart being Marsh for a duck. Voges (shit form) will be shitting his pants as he comes to the crease.

[officepest]

What a catch by Stokes!

It’s a Collingwood-esque marvel to dismiss Voges for 1 off the bowling of Broad and Australia already look doomed.

Australia are 21 – 5 (yes, really).

[officepest]

Clarke throws his wicket away for 10 meagre runs.

Broad bowls, Clarke heaves and Cook catches; Simple stuff.

Broad has five wickets from 19 deliveries, and it goes without saying he has bowled very, very well. Mitchell Johnson will bat next and Australia are 29 - 5.

[officepest]

Nevill is cleaned up by an excellent, full-length delivery from Finn and Australia lose their seventh wicket.

Nevill goes for 2 which leaves Australia in all sorts of trouble on 33 – 7. Here comes Mitchell Starc.

Blind, crippled children could bat better tha this; absoultely pathetic from Australia.

[Top Londoner]

Bloody hell mate.
I only popped out for an hour and your posts make for unbelievable reading.
Cheers.
C'mon England.
All over before the 4th day?






WENGER OUT

[Nos89]

Unbelievable Geoff!!! 46-7

[officepest]

Broad strikes yet again, his figures are 6 wickets for 10 runs.

Starc goes, caught by Root for 1, and Australia’s eighth wicket falls with the score an improbable 47 - 8.

[officepest]

And again.

Broad's seventh wicket and Australia will be all out before lunch; Johnson has gone.

Australia reach 50!

[officepest]

Bloody hell mate.
I only popped out for an hour and your posts make for unbelievable reading.
Cheers.
C'mon England.
All over before the 4th day?






WENGER OUT

You never know how likely England are to collapse, TL. The whole match could be over in two days.

This is superb from England.

[Top Londoner]

My bruv in Perth ain't answering any Skype calls.
Is there a problem with the Internet over there?





WENGER OUT

[officepest]

Broad (who else?) finishes off the Australian innings after dismissing Lyon for 8, with Stokes claiming the catch in the gully. Broad’s taken 8 wickets for 15 runs – absolutely remarkable stuff.

Australia all out for 60. Sixty.

What can one say about this? As well as England bowled, and they bowled very well, fingers will need to be pointed in the Australian dressing room because they’ve been a total fucking shambles.

England will be over the moon so far but as this is England a collapse of our own will even things up.