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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2023 6:17 pm
by OneBardGooner
TeeCee wrote:
Tue Jul 18, 2023 8:48 pm
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat.

As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard.

Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"

“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."


Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed..

"I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."..........................



"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." ...........
:lol: :lol: :lol: :high5:

My Middle Name's are Geronimo Lopez ! :mrgreen: Hi Ho! Silverrrrrrrr! :D

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 11:23 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 11:24 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife.

She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your cocks bigger than your brother's."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:02 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Carlsberg don't do Alzheimers.

Just exceedingly good cakes.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:02 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
We?d be speaking German if the Nazis used rubber dinghies.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:03 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Whoever said 'laughter is the best medicine' never suffered from erectile dysfunction.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:04 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I now identity as a donkey

My pronouns are he/haw

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:05 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The Mrs and I were on holiday in Spain and after a few Vodkas and hours of persuasion she finally agreed to take it up the arse I was made up

There was no way I could get another 8 pouches of Golden Virginia in the suitcase

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:06 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Never mind girls, I'm sure they'll be plenty of cups at home in the sink for you.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:15 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Philip Schofield gave up the We Buy Any Car gig, as soon as he found out Enter Reg wasn't what he thought it meant.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:17 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My dog has been constipated for a week,

This morning I let him out in the yard, and he took the biggest crap!

Something was wrong though because It looked like it had some writing on it.

So, I went into the house to get my glasses, because I can't read shit without my glasses.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:18 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was looking through the rubble in the Ukraine when a soldier shouted at me, "What are you doing? " He asked,

"Looking for something belonging to my girlfriend, she won't give me a blow job unless I find it, " I answered,

"What is it?" shouted the soldier,

"Her head, " I replied.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:18 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Michael Parkinsons family can finally receive his over 50s life cover.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:19 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I've set up a florists that caters specifically to the motorcycling community.

We deliver to any any lamppost across the UK.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2023 1:25 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I just got stopped at a Police checkpoint in Belfast.

I gave them their names and addresses and they said "on your way"