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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2023 11:32 am
by OneBardGooner
Block93 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2023 1:58 pm
I recently sold a few copies of 'Osteopath Monthly', as I had some back issues.
Were the spines a bit worn Lefty!? :D


:oops: Sorry DB couldn't resist :oops:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2023 1:50 pm
by DB10GOONER
OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Oct 24, 2023 11:32 am
Block93 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2023 1:58 pm
I recently sold a few copies of 'Osteopath Monthly', as I had some back issues.
Were the spines a bit worn Lefty!? :D


:oops: Sorry DB couldn't resist :oops:
:lol: :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2023 6:12 pm
by Block93
Bloke goes to the doctor in agony, whips his trousers off and there's a lettuce leaf sticking out of his rear end.

Doctor: 'You feeling pain anywhere else, apart from up near your arsehole?'

Bloke: 'I'll say so Doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg'.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2023 6:13 pm
by OneBardGooner
:lol: :lol: :lol: :high5: :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2023 7:12 am
by DB10GOONER
Block93 wrote:
Mon Nov 06, 2023 6:12 pm
Bloke goes to the doctor in agony, whips his trousers off and there's a lettuce leaf sticking out of his rear end.

Doctor: 'You feeling pain anywhere else, apart from up near your arsehole?'

Bloke: 'I'll say so Doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg'.
:lol: :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2023 5:25 pm
by Block93
Judge to guilty defendant: 'Have you anything to say to this court before I pronounce sentence?'

Defendant (mumbling): 'Fuck all'

Judge to Clerk of Court: 'Clerk, what did the defendant say?'

Clerk of Court: 'He said 'fuck all', your Honour.'

Judge: 'That's most odd, I was sure he said something'.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2023 10:06 pm
by Midz
Block93 wrote:
Mon Nov 06, 2023 6:12 pm
Bloke goes to the doctor in agony, whips his trousers off and there's a lettuce leaf sticking out of his rear end.

Doctor: 'You feeling pain anywhere else, apart from up near your arsehole?'

Bloke: 'I'll say so Doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg'.
very good :D

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2023 11:51 am
by OneBardGooner
If you want to see real lips on a woman from Liverpool you're going to have to take off her knickers.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2023 1:13 pm
by Stuart L (2)
I bumped into my ex wife the other day

She told me she missed me and that sex between us was never off the table

I thought, that a bit unhygienic

Then thought fuck it, It’s not my dining room any more

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2023 2:15 pm
by DB10GOONER
Stuart L (2) wrote:
Thu Nov 30, 2023 1:13 pm
I bumped into my ex wife the other day

She told me she missed me and that sex between us was never off the table

I thought, that a bit unhygienic

Then thought fuck it, It’s not my dining room any more
:lol: :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:22 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
*Phone rings at work*

Boss: Why don't you answer it?

Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.

Boss: ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!

Me: 999, what's the emergency?

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:23 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I asked my wife if I could fuck her up the arse.

She said, "Why on earth would you think I'd let you do that?"

I said, "Well, you take everything else the wrong way."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:23 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
It's so cold outside I saw a Romanian with her hand in her own pocket.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:25 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I'm half Irish and half Jewish.

I'm drinking if you're buying.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:26 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
When people say "he's alright once you get to know him"

It actually means "he's a cunnt, but you'll get used to it"