LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just lay there lifeless so I decided to fuck her one last time.
Then All of a sudden she jumped up n shouted 'BOO!'

Some people are sick in the head!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I heard screaming last night.

That's the last time I buy duct tape from the £1 shop.

[Top Londoner]

I heard screaming last night.

That's the last time I buy duct tape from the £1 shop.

I fucking look forward to your posts mate. FACT

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I heard screaming last night.

That's the last time I buy duct tape from the £1 shop.

I fucking look forward to your posts mate. FACT

Cheers TL, hows the non-smoking going mate

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A clown tried to start a fight with me earlier today.

I said: "Listen mate, you don't want to fight me. I'll make you look silly."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Clown Porn.

Come and Laugh.

[DB10GOONER]

I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just lay there lifeless so I decided to fuck her one last time.
Then All of a sudden she jumped up n shouted 'BOO!'

Some people are sick in the head!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

One day little Johnny goes up to his grandad and asks, "Grandad, what's a c unt?"
The grandad looks at him for a while then goes and fetches one of his old porno mags. He flips it open, pages through and leaves it open on a picture of a naked woman posing.
"You see those stars, Johnny?"
"Yes."
"Well the person who put them there is a c unt!!!"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Little Johnny went to see his grandad and asked, "Grandad, could you please do a frog impression?"

Grandad says, "you what?"

Little Johnny says, "can you make the sound of a frog?"

Grandad says, "of course I can, but why?"

Little Johnny says, "good, because mummy said that, when you croak, we can all fuck off to Disneyland!"

[Bradywasking]

Went into travel agents today..saw poster about holidays in Majorca on the wall.... said to the travel agent " I want to go there "...so he sellotaped me to the wall as well....(courtesy of Tommy Cooper)

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

"Name three famous Germans whose names begin with B," says the teacher.

"Ballack, Badstuber, Beckenbauer!" says Little Johnny.

"Have none of you ever heard of Bach, Beethoven or Brahms?" says the teacher.

"Nope," says Johnny. "No-one gives a fuck who's on the bench!"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

It's quite ironic that people with club feet generally aren't very good at dancing.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The good: waking up to find you're home safe after a wild night out.

The bad: looking in the mirror to find a cock drawn on your face.

The ugly: finding out it was traced.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

"Jesus loves you."

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Note to self, when hiring a prostitute whilst on holiday in Amsterdam, never again ask her to "sit on my face" in a 'shilly dutch akshent'