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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2024 6:35 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, but she took it back a week later.
"This parrot hasn't said anything!" she complained.
"I haven't had a fucking chance yet!" replied the parrot.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2024 10:22 am
by OneBardGooner
:lol: :lol: :lol: Nice one Lefty..


Though I might replace Scunthorpe with Swansea! :lol: :wink: :wink:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:37 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Noah's diary :

Day 39. Unicorn pie is fucking delicious!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:37 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
There's a nudist convention in my town tomorrow.

I might go if I've got nothing on.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:38 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Swampy the eco-warrior has died of a heart attack.

They offered him a bypass but he wasn't having any of it.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:38 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"Tell me what you want," I whispered as I slid my finger up and down her G string.

"I want my guitar back," she said.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:38 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I keep making racist jokes about my dads thai bride.
He finds it really annoying...

And so does my dad

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:39 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Mail online: "world's oldest paperboy dies at 92."

94 are wondering where their Evening Telegraph's got to.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:40 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
The only thing flat-earthers fear …....

is sphere itself.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:40 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
“ I’ve got good news and bad news”, the doctor said.

“ I’m afraid we’re going to have to amputate your leg”.
“Fucking hell! What’s the good news?” I asked.

“See that young nurse over there with the big tits?

I fucked her last night.”

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:41 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I saw a bloke on the train wearing a T-shirt that read, "This is what a feminist looks like.

" And right enough, he had a flat chest and facial hair.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:41 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife came into the lounge and asked why our two year old son was screaming.

"He kicked me in the balls," I snarled.

"He doesn't understand that it hurts," she said.

"He fucking does now," I replied.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:42 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
You'd be surprised how quickly the sales people at the B&Q try and assist you after ignoring you for the past 15 minutes,
when you try and start a chainsaw!!!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:42 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I came downstairs this morning to find my girlfriend had gone and had left a note on the fridge door that said 'this isn't working, goodbye'.

Well I just opened the fridge and it's working fine.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 2:43 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife has left me because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression

But don't worry.......... I'll return