The Gooner Forum

I recently woke up to find my girlfriend playing with her vibrator in complete silence

I thought that is not on

With Christmas coming be extra careful on the roads as quite a lot of guys will be having a few drinks and letting their wives drive

What's the difference between Kier Starmer and Wayne Rooney?

Wayne Rooney pays pensioners after he fucks them.

Whenever I see my wife and her sister together I wonder where Cinderella is.

I got asked what I'd do if I saw Kier Starmer being attacked by a dangerous mob,

"As a law abiding citizen, I'd have to contact the police, " I said, "in fact, I'd even put a first class stamp on the letter. "

My wife is a lot brighter than me.

Mind you, I'm not the one who is on fire.

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers.
Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire

My Grandad hanged himself on Christmas Day.

Out of respect, we didn't take him down until the 6th of January.

I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.

Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...

You know it was a good Christmas party when your P45 arrives at your house before you do.

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

The wife has just been diagnosed with an iron deficiency

So I've bought her a new one for Christmas

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 23, 2024 5:29 pm

What's the difference between Kier Starmer and Wayne Rooney?

Wayne Rooney pays pensioners after he fucks them.

Aaaaaand he's Baaaaaack!


My Grandad hanged himself on Christmas Day.

Out of respect, we didn't take him down until the 6th of January.





You know it was a good Christmas party when your P45 arrives at your house before you do.



Alll good Lefty but those three had me in stitches.....

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 23, 2024 5:55 pm

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers.
Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 23, 2024 5:56 pm

I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.

Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...

Quality Lefty