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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:54 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
We were having some friends over for dinner and my wife was getting nervous.
"When it's time to eat," she said, "do I say 'Dinner is ready' or 'Dinner is served'?"
I said, "If it's anything like your usual cooking, just say 'Dinner is fucked'."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was taking my wife hunting with me and bought her the most adorable hunting outfit yesterday.
She thought the antlers on the hat were really cute.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
10 p.m Channel 4 - Living with my stalker.
Fucking hell, talk about leading someone on.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I stayed at the Ritz hotel in London & took a card from a phone box on Oxford St. offering "Sordid sex & other pleasures"
Back at the Hotel I rang the number.A lady with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of any help.
I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal & finish off with a tit *****. Is that OK?"
The lady replied, "Sounds like fun, Sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2025 4:17 pm
by OneBardGooner
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2025 10:29 pm
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Wed Jan 01, 2025 2:06 pm
Wayne Rooney has revealed he's delighted to have smashed dry January.
January, 87, is recovering after undergoing emergency vaginal surgery.
Dirty Rooney. Dirty.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
by Midz
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2025 5:28 pm
by OneBardGooner
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:05 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
DB10GOONER wrote: ↑Thu Jan 09, 2025 10:29 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Wed Jan 01, 2025 2:06 pm
Wayne Rooney has revealed he's delighted to have smashed dry January.
January, 87, is recovering after undergoing emergency vaginal surgery.
Dirty Rooney. Dirty.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:08 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Midz wrote: ↑Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches.
Had a similar experience in a premier inn, although it was a Romanian male receptionist who answered and he offered the same service for some scrap copper

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:08 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:23 pm
by OneBardGooner
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:08 pm
Midz wrote: ↑Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches.
Had a similar experience in a premier inn, although it was a Romanian male receptionist who answered and he offered the same service for some scrap copper
I was
Lead to believe they aren't like that, but fair do's Lefty that's Comedy
Gold.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:55 am
by TeeCee
What's made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones
Thought I'd do a clean joke for a change!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:56 am
by TeeCee
As I started to unload my seriously full trolley at the till, I noticed a little old lady behind me holding only a pint of milk....
"Is that all you've got?" I asked. "Yes" she smiled.
"Well" I replied, "You'd better find another till, I'm going to be fucking ages!"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2025 11:35 am
by OneBardGooner
TeeCee wrote: ↑Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:55 am
What's made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones
Thought I'd do a clean joke for a change!
Brilliant! Love It...Mind you I am Welsh.
