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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:54 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
We were having some friends over for dinner and my wife was getting nervous.

"When it's time to eat," she said, "do I say 'Dinner is ready' or 'Dinner is served'?"

I said, "If it's anything like your usual cooking, just say 'Dinner is fucked'."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was taking my wife hunting with me and bought her the most adorable hunting outfit yesterday.

She thought the antlers on the hat were really cute.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
10 p.m Channel 4 - Living with my stalker.

Fucking hell, talk about leading someone on.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2025 8:55 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I stayed at the Ritz hotel in London & took a card from a phone box on Oxford St. offering "Sordid sex & other pleasures"
Back at the Hotel I rang the number.A lady with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of any help.

I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal & finish off with a tit *****. Is that OK?"

The lady replied, "Sounds like fun, Sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2025 4:17 pm
by OneBardGooner
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

All excellent Lefty, but this one had me in absolute stitches...


"I stayed at the Ritz hotel in London & took a card from a phone box on Oxford St. offering "Sordid sex & other pleasures"
Back at the Hotel I rang the number.A lady with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of any help.

I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal & finish off with a tit *****. Is that OK?"

The lady replied, "Sounds like fun, Sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line."


:lol: :high5:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2025 10:29 pm
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Jan 01, 2025 2:06 pm
Wayne Rooney has revealed he's delighted to have smashed dry January.

January, 87, is recovering after undergoing emergency vaginal surgery.
:coffeespit:

Dirty Rooney. Dirty. :redcard2: :redcard:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
by Midz
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches. :D :D

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2025 5:28 pm
by OneBardGooner
Midz wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches. :D :D
:lol:

:rubchin:


Yes, well we've all stayed at the Ritz... :-P :oops: :oops:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:05 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
DB10GOONER wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2025 10:29 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Jan 01, 2025 2:06 pm
Wayne Rooney has revealed he's delighted to have smashed dry January.

January, 87, is recovering after undergoing emergency vaginal surgery.
:coffeespit:

Dirty Rooney. Dirty. :redcard2: :redcard:
:lol: :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:08 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Midz wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches. :D :D
Had a similar experience in a premier inn, although it was a Romanian male receptionist who answered and he offered the same service for some scrap copper :lol: :barscarf:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:08 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
OneBardGooner wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2025 4:17 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

All excellent Lefty, but this one had me in absolute stitches...


"I stayed at the Ritz hotel in London & took a card from a phone box on Oxford St. offering "Sordid sex & other pleasures"
Back at the Hotel I rang the number.A lady with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of any help.

I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal & finish off with a tit *****. Is that OK?"

The lady replied, "Sounds like fun, Sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line."


:lol: :high5:
:lol: :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:23 pm
by OneBardGooner
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2025 3:08 pm
Midz wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:25 pm
Lefty, the Ritz hotel had me in stitches. :D :D
Had a similar experience in a premier inn, although it was a Romanian male receptionist who answered and he offered the same service for some scrap copper :lol: :barscarf:
I was Lead to believe they aren't like that, but fair do's Lefty that's Comedy Gold. :D :wink:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:55 am
by TeeCee
What's made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones?





Trombones

Thought I'd do a clean joke for a change! :D

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:56 am
by TeeCee
As I started to unload my seriously full trolley at the till, I noticed a little old lady behind me holding only a pint of milk....

"Is that all you've got?" I asked. "Yes" she smiled.

"Well" I replied, "You'd better find another till, I'm going to be fucking ages!"

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2025 11:35 am
by OneBardGooner
TeeCee wrote:
Sat Jan 25, 2025 8:55 am
What's made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones?





Trombones

Thought I'd do a clean joke for a change! :D
:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit:


Brilliant! Love It...Mind you I am Welsh. :D :wink: