The Gooner Forum

I came downstairs at 3 in the morning because I heard noises. I got down and saw a burgler shining a torch about.

I said to him "what do you think you're doing?"

He said "I'm looking for money, jewellery or anything expensive I can sell"

I said "well turn that light on and we'll both have a look"

When employing someone, gather all the C.V.s together and randomly split them into two piles.
Take one pile and throw it in the bin.
This stops you employing anyone unlucky.

Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara.

What they should really say on those cooking shows: "Hello and welcome to 'Pointless Cooking That Has Nothing To Do With Anyone's Actual Life'.
Today, we are making a very complicated recipe, using ingredients you don't have, utensils you've never heard of, and in a kitchen that is bigger than your whole fucking house."

I'm not saying you should totally distrust the internet, but there's a huge discrepancy between the number of iPads I've won,
and the number of iPads i own

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them.
I did that and I feel much better but I am wondering do I keep the letters.?

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 22, 2025 6:53 pm

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

No 4 approves

Too many to quote Lefty... But ALL Fucking "Brilliant!"... Thank-You.


*Don't you ever dare leave G2G!

DB10GOONER wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 22, 2025 8:43 pm

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 22, 2025 6:53 pm

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

Gotta love blondes

My girlfriend is blonde and she didn't get it and she's not even a natural blonde

I said that bleach has gone to her brain

gazzatt2 wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 22, 2025 9:40 pm

No 4 approves

OneBardGooner wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 23, 2025 12:09 pm

Too many to quote Lefty... But ALL Fucking "Brilliant!"... Thank-You.


*Don't you ever dare leave G2G!

I'm not leaving mate, you 4 are stuck with me

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winters morning: "
Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it"
Wife texts back: "Computer completely fucked now."

I've just bought a house with old period features.

She fucking hates it when I call her that.