The Gooner Forum

Lefty. You're a fucking legend pal. This thread should be a sticky mate.

Top Londoner wrote:Lefty. You're a fucking legend pal. This thread should be a sticky mate.

Cheers Mr Tops........I know what, let's start a march

Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"Fuck off you *word censored*," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.

Rafa Benitez will get a warm reception when he returns to Anfield, the Liverpool fans still see him as one of their own. Probably because he hasn't had a job for two years!

I sexted my girlfriend today.

She sexted back, "Is it in yet?"

My mate bought one of those hybrid models on the internet earlier.

It's a Thai girl called Steve.

Reporter: "What do you think of QPR's position ?"

Redknapp: "I got more points on my licence by driving there."

Thought I'd try fucking the wife up against the wall tonight.

Saying 1..2..3.. liiiiift didn't go down to well though.

An old one but funny.....to me anyhow (maybe not to arsecrowcu.nt ).

A guy with a 25-inch pe nis went to a witch doctor and said,
"I can't live with this anymore! It's too long."

The witch doctor replied,
"Relax! There is a female frog in that swamp. Ask her to marry
you. She'll say 'No', and you'll lose 5 inches off your pe nis."

So he went to the swamp and found the female frog.

He asked her, "Will you marry me?"

"No!" she said.

He lost 5 inches off his pe nis! But 20 inches was still too long.

So he asked her again, "Will you marry me?"

The frog replied, "No!"

And the guy lost another 5 inches. 15 inches
was great! But 10 inches would be perfect.

So he asked her again, "Will you marry me?"

The frog responded,
"How many times do I have to tell you... NO! NO! NO!"

My ex missus passed away last week.On her death bed she said Donaldo i have something to tell you before i go.She said she had slept with my brother my father and my uncle

I said i know thats why i poisoned you


My ex missues was like a condom she spent 95% in my pockets and 5% on my cock

Whats the difference between Acne and a Catholic priest

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12


How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw

donaldo wrote:Whats the difference between Acne and a Catholic priest

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

Sorry for your loss LFLG.
Keep up the good work.

MegaGooner wrote:Sorry for your loss LFLG.
Keep up the good work.

Cheers dude

The doctor gave me two months to live, so I went straight home and shot my parents...

It would have broken their hearts to see me die before them.