The Gooner Forum

Top Londoner wrote:

What the fuck?

I mean, seriously... I mean, if that... er... If we... erm... no, I'm just gonna say it again.

What the fuck?

I've had funnier tooth aches

flash gunner wrote:I've had funnier tooth aches

It made me chuckle. I couldn't fit in the one with Fergie/Dalgleish in the Ghost film pottery scene.
Back page of the daily fail.

Top Londoner wrote:

flash gunner wrote:I've had funnier tooth aches

It made me chuckle. I couldn't fit in the one with Fergie/Dalgleish in the Ghost film pottery scene.
Back page of the daily fail.

Im only joking mate it was a bit strange but funny the fergie one sounds funny too

Saw a prostitute throwing up last night.
I thought to myself... Heave, Ho!

I bumped into two prostitutes this evening. I couldn't help but notice one was in a wheelchair with both legs missing.

"Are you after anything?" asked the able bodied one.

"I might be," I replied, "How much are you charging?"

"50 quid," she smiled.

"50 quid !?" I cried, "I can't afford that, looks like it's me and you then," I said winking at her mate.

She said, "I don't think so, pal, I'm charging 50 too..."

I fucking hate the Paralympic spirit, making disabled people feel equal.

What's the difference between Bob Geldof and a Prostitutes minge?

Only one of these cun.ts will make me open my wallet.

During the second world war a group of Prostitutes from Leeds decided to put their money together and open a Chip Shop.



After a German bombing raid damaged a part of the shop one night a sign appeared on the window the next day which read "Owing to Hitler , the Chips will be littler".



The following night saw another part of the shop damaged due to a bomb, and the next day another note appeared which read "Owing to Himmler , the Fish will be Similar".



The next night saw intense bombing destroy the remainder of the shop , and the following day a note was spotted on the rubble which read "Owing to Goring , we've gone back to Whoring".

I hate having the nickname 'Window licker'.

Going to Amsterdam with no money was a bad idea.

The recent police child abuse operation is actually named after Jimmy Savile's time in a Dublin orphanage.

"Yew tree come upstairs with me," he'd say.

My mate Kev is the biggest liar I know.

He just said, "Four blokes with baseball bats burst into my house last night while I was standing in the hallway with no top on."

"Really?" I said, "Absolutely shitting it I bet?"

He said, "Yeah, they were."

A policeman pulled me over on the motorway today.

"Hang on a minute," I said to my wife on the phone. "Yes, officer?"

He said, "You're talking on your mobile."

I said, "I know. I'm just telling my wife that I'm stuck in traffic and I may be home a few hours late."

"There is no traffic," he replied.

What a cu.nt, I was winking at him as well.

My son asked me why oysters are Aphrodisiacs.

"Not sure son, maybe because they smell like fannies."

"Ugh, is that what mum's is like?"

"You tell me," I replied, "you were the last one near it."

Bungee Jumping - The only time a fat bird will give you her correct weight.

The biggest problem with the Arthritis Society is that it's very cliquey.