in all seriousness though now a few kosaks very humble and in my experiance trustworthy people[/quote]
Thanx for advise, its not hard to trust them, it's just too hard to find who the worthest are.
New joke thread
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Cus Geezer
- Posts: 1869
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:09 pm
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Cus Geezer
- Posts: 1869
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:09 pm
HAVE TO THANK YOU IHH, YOU ARE A GREAT MODERATOR, AND WHAT I REALLY WOULD DO WITHOUT YOUR SUPORT THAT U GAVE TO ME AND I BELEIVE TO ANYONE ELSE WHO JOINED THIS PAGE, U MADE ME CHANGE MY OPINION ABOUT THIS FORUM MANY TIMES AND IM COO NOW, I DONT GET UPSET ANYMORE ABOUT SOMEONE TELLING ME THINGS, CAUSE NO MATER WHAT SOMEONE TELLS ME I WILL ACCEPT IT, CAUSE NOTHING CAN MAKE ME HATE ARSENAL AND THE FANS. CAUSE I'M ONE OF THEM, AND WILL ALLWAYS BE.I Hate Hleb wrote:Kaqak,KAQAK wrote:Maybe but ill never write again, just read.
Please don't be upset with the above comments.The truth is some jokes don't translate well, and the fact that English isn't your first language made it even harder to understand the jokes you wrote above.
The people that criticised you should have realised that and just let it go. Especially when their own posts are littered with spelling mistakes - and English is their FIRST language!!
Listen matey, you write in as often as you want and on whatever subject you like. Most of us like you and enjoy reading your perspective on things.Please don't let a less than perfect knowledge of English stop you contributing because your opinion is just as valid as anyone elses on here.
( PS ) MA COWORKER HERE PLEASED ME TO HAVE ACCES DURING THE TIME A WAS OFF IN MY LOG SO SMOE OF THIS POSTS ABOVE ARE NOT THE REAL KAQAK THOUGHTS. SORRY WANT HAPEN AGAIN.
CHEATING WIFE.
A COP WAS NOTIFIED BY HIS MATE THAT HIS WIFE IS CHEATING ON HIM, EVEN TODAY AT THIS TIME.
HE RUNS HOME AND ASKS WIFE:
WHERE DID YOU HIDE THE LOVER.
SHE SAYS, SHE DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT.
THE COP SEARCHES THE HOUSE AND FINDS THE LOWER UNDER SOFA AND THROWS HIM OUT.
TOMORROW.
THE MATE ASKS HIM:
DID YOU RESOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR WIFE?
DID YOU DIVORCE HER?
COP ANSWERS:
NO MATE I DIDENT DIVORCE HER, I RESOLVED THE PROBLEM BY SELLING THE SOFA WHERE SHE HIDEN HER LOVER.
HE RUNS HOME AND ASKS WIFE:
WHERE DID YOU HIDE THE LOVER.
SHE SAYS, SHE DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT.
THE COP SEARCHES THE HOUSE AND FINDS THE LOWER UNDER SOFA AND THROWS HIM OUT.
TOMORROW.
THE MATE ASKS HIM:
DID YOU RESOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR WIFE?
DID YOU DIVORCE HER?
COP ANSWERS:
NO MATE I DIDENT DIVORCE HER, I RESOLVED THE PROBLEM BY SELLING THE SOFA WHERE SHE HIDEN HER LOVER.
Re: CHEATING WIFE.
lolKAQAK wrote:A COP WAS NOTIFIED BY HIS MATE THAT HIS WIFE IS CHEATING ON HIM, EVEN TODAY AT THIS TIME.
HE RUNS HOME AND ASKS WIFE:
WHERE DID YOU HIDE THE LOVER.
SHE SAYS, SHE DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT.
THE COP SEARCHES THE HOUSE AND FINDS THE LOWER UNDER SOFA AND THROWS HIM OUT.
TOMORROW.
THE MATE ASKS HIM:
DID YOU RESOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR WIFE?
DID YOU DIVORCE HER?
COP ANSWERS:
NO MATE I DIDENT DIVORCE HER, I RESOLVED THE PROBLEM BY SELLING THE SOFA WHERE SHE HIDEN HER LOVER.
A GUY TELLS HIS MATE, THAT HE IS WERY PROUD OF HIS WIFE BECAUSE SHE IS AN ANGEL, THE MATE SAYS LUCKY MY WIFE IS STILL ALIVE.
SON ASKS HIS FATHER, DADY WHAT KOSTS TO BE MARRIED, I DONT KNOW MY SON I'M STILL PAYING.
IF WIFE AND DOG BOTH AT THE SAME TIME YELL IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, WIFE IN FRONT DOOR AND DOG IN BACK DOOR, WHICH DOOR YOU WOULD OPEN FIRST?
DOG STOPS SOONEST HE COMES IN.
IN THE MORNING I DONT EAT BEACAUSE I THINK OF YOU, IN THE LUNCH I DONT EAT THINKING OF YOU, IN THE DINNER I DONT EAT THINKING OF YOU, AND NIGHTS I DONT SLEEP BECAUSE IM HUNGRY.
WIFE TELLS HOUSEBAND, DARLING DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU PROPOSED TO ME, I WAS SO HAPY I DIDENT TALK FOR ABOUT ONE HOUR, YES DARLING THAT WAS THE HAPIEST HOUR OF UOR MARRIAGE.
BOY BROK HIS LEG FALLING FORM AN APPLE TREE, A CAR CRASHED ON A CHERRY TREE, A MAN HUNG HIM SELF ON A PEAR TREE, THA THEY SAY FRUITS ARE HEALTHY.
LOVE IS A FEELING THAT BEGINS VERTIKALLY AND ANDS HORIZANTALLY.
A NON NATIONAL GUY AND AN ANGLISH WOMEN IN LOVE.
NON NATIONAL: I LOVE YOU.
THE GIRL I LOVE YOU TOO.
NON NATIONAL: I LOVE YOU THREE.
SON ASKS HIS FATHER, DADY WHAT KOSTS TO BE MARRIED, I DONT KNOW MY SON I'M STILL PAYING.
IF WIFE AND DOG BOTH AT THE SAME TIME YELL IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, WIFE IN FRONT DOOR AND DOG IN BACK DOOR, WHICH DOOR YOU WOULD OPEN FIRST?
DOG STOPS SOONEST HE COMES IN.
IN THE MORNING I DONT EAT BEACAUSE I THINK OF YOU, IN THE LUNCH I DONT EAT THINKING OF YOU, IN THE DINNER I DONT EAT THINKING OF YOU, AND NIGHTS I DONT SLEEP BECAUSE IM HUNGRY.
WIFE TELLS HOUSEBAND, DARLING DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU PROPOSED TO ME, I WAS SO HAPY I DIDENT TALK FOR ABOUT ONE HOUR, YES DARLING THAT WAS THE HAPIEST HOUR OF UOR MARRIAGE.
BOY BROK HIS LEG FALLING FORM AN APPLE TREE, A CAR CRASHED ON A CHERRY TREE, A MAN HUNG HIM SELF ON A PEAR TREE, THA THEY SAY FRUITS ARE HEALTHY.
LOVE IS A FEELING THAT BEGINS VERTIKALLY AND ANDS HORIZANTALLY.
A NON NATIONAL GUY AND AN ANGLISH WOMEN IN LOVE.
NON NATIONAL: I LOVE YOU.
THE GIRL I LOVE YOU TOO.
NON NATIONAL: I LOVE YOU THREE.
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RossieGooner
- Posts: 1097
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:38 pm
- Location: Roscommon, Ireland
So bad, it's good.
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush.
_________________
T
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush.
_________________
T
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stuartyoung09111990
- Posts: 32
- Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2008 11:12 am
A bloke walks past a shop with a sign in the window saying 'Sandwiches 50p, Wanks £1' Going in he sees a busty blonde behind the counter. "Are you the one who gives the wanks?" he says, licking her lips she replies "Oh, yes" "Excellent" says the bloke, "Now go and wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich"
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bigreddave
- Posts: 333
- Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 5:35 pm
Husband and wife are out shopping together on oxford street. "Does my bum look big in this?" wife says to husband for the umpteenth time. fed up and bored the husband finally loses his patience and tells his wife straight, "Look love your ass looks the size of a king size 3 grill barbecue! just pick something and let's go!" later on at home after a few drinks down the local they jump into bed and husband is feeling a bit randy. "Come on love, fancy a bit?" He says. Wife turns to him and says, "What's the point in turning the barbecue on for half a sausage?!"
