Page 38 of 252

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:27 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain stable.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:28 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
This guy told me he is the fastest cross dresser in the world.

I said, "Really?"

She said, "Yes."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:29 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was working in Subway when a Greek girl came in and said, 'Do you have any Feta cheese?'

I replied, 'I'm quite into gimp masks and fisting.'

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:33 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Tesco - unexpected item in bagging area.

Yeah, a fucking horse!!!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:36 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife is a mute. She communicates by embroidery.

It's her own version of sign language, sew to speak.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:41 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I was at work in my sports shop today when a bloke approached the counter with a tennis racket.

"Excuse me, I like this racket and would like to buy it, but I was wondering if you could add some more tension?" he asked.

"No problem" I replied. "I'm pretty sure I shagged your wife a few years ago, and your son looks an awful lot like me."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:43 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
We were having some friends over for dinner and my wife was getting nervous.

"When it's time to eat," she said, "do I say 'Dinner is ready' or 'Dinner is served'?"

I said, "If it's anything like your usual cooking, just say 'Dinner is fucked'."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:44 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?'

Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:01 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
My wife used to punch me in the face every time she had an orgasm during sex, sometimes she would orgasm three or four times. I didn't mind so much until I found out she was faking them!

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:06 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I had some burgers from tesco for my tea last night....

I still have a bit between my teeth.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:28 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I can't wait to see Armstrong's confession, it's about time he admitted America never made it to the moon.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:38 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Gordon Strachan said 'pride had a lot to do with him taking the Scotland job'.

He hasn't got any.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:42 pm
by I Hate Hleb
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:I had some burgers from tesco for my tea last night....

I still have a bit between my teeth.
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain stable.
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:My wife used to punch me in the face every time she had an orgasm during sex, sometimes she would orgasm three or four times. I didn't mind so much until I found out she was faking them!
:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit:

Brilliant. 8) :lol: :wink:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:45 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
"I don't believe that you cheated on me!" screamed my wife.


"Really?" I said, "But you saw it with your own eyes."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:48 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
In beef or not in beef.

That is equestrian.