LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Took me ages to find the burgers in Tesco this morning.


They were down by the carrots.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

When I was young, every time I came home my dad always had that look on his face like he was ready to bollock me.

Since I've grown up, I've learned the correct terminology is "teabagging".

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I was in the Tesco Cafe ordering my food & the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger....So I had a fiver each way.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I was at a job interview the other day when the bloke asked me, "How would you describe yourself in 5 words?" This was a tough one I thought to myself. So after a minute or two I replied,



"I'd do it by talking."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Gareth Bale walked into a pub.

The barman said "Why the Kong face"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

According to certain sources, more and more people are attempting over-ambitious sex positions and failing.

To be honest, I couldn't give a flying fuck.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

According to certain sources, more and more people are attempting over-ambitious sex positions and failing.

To be honest, I couldn't give a flying fuck.

[DB10GOONER]

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?'

Cow says 'Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I think my fat wife's trying to inject a little bit of spice back into our sex life.
She's packed the kids off to her sister's, unplugged the tv and taken the phone off the hook. She's had a candle-lit bath and given herself a Brazilian.


And now she's parading around the house in nothing but her bra and G-rope

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Looks like Tesco Ascot a bit of explaining to do.

[DB10GOONER]

I think my fat wife's trying to inject a little bit of spice back into our sex life.
She's packed the kids off to her sister's, unplugged the tv and taken the phone off the hook. She's had a candle-lit bath and given herself a Brazilian.


And now she's parading around the house in nothing but her bra and G-rope

Christ - that'll get me through the day, Lefty! Quality, mate.

[Top Londoner]

Looks like Tesco Ascot a bit of explaining to do.

My Lidl pony.

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Lefty you are legend today. Cheers for the gut laffs mate. Quality posts as ever. Sorry, super quality posts.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I think my fat wife's trying to inject a little bit of spice back into our sex life.
She's packed the kids off to her sister's, unplugged the tv and taken the phone off the hook. She's had a candle-lit bath and given herself a Brazilian.


And now she's parading around the house in nothing but her bra and G-rope

Christ - that'll get me through the day, Lefty! Quality, mate.

Cheers Mate, by the way (and this is the gospel truth) I text that to a few mates of mine and then I had a text from a customer (a fairly large lady ) to say because of the bad weather they wouldn't be in work where my next job was, and as I was texting jokes in order I just naturally sent that joke to the last text name.......fucking hell, you have never seen someone try and turn their phone off so fuckin fast

Needless to say it got sent and I text her afterwards and said..."whoops, that wasn't meant for you, sorry

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Looks like Tesco Ascot a bit of explaining to do.

My Lidl pony.

--------------------------------------------



Lefty you are legend today. Cheers for the gut laffs mate. Quality posts as ever. Sorry, super quality posts.

Cheers Tops

[Big Sac]

More cringers.......


Despite the recent news, Tesco says that their beef burger sales remain stable...

Just got a batch of 200 Tesco beef burgers cheap, it only cost me a Pony

Prices are going through the hoof in my area.

Reading the label on these Tesco burgers.... it turns out they're fairly low in fat, but surprisingly high in Shergar

had a Tesco burger the other day but it gave me the trots

Tesco are expecting burger sales to go down initially......but not furlong

apparently they've refused to name their mane supplier

Tesco PR department having a night mare…………

trouble is now people beginning to question the content of tesco's finest new extra long sausages....

is it a coincidence that 'hamburgers' is an anagram of Shergars Bum ?

Tesco scored highly in a recent Gallop Poll