The Gooner Forum

DB10GOONER wrote:

GranadaJoe wrote:Give it a go and let us know what happens.

Will do!

You may have to let the missus slips a latex gloved finger up your pipe in a horrible quid pro quo bargain.

Alternatively, if you spouse is completely shit-faced you may have a better strike rate. Finally, and entirely dependent on your own extra-curricular activities, a certain substance that The Shaman sang about (and were good, apparently) would definitely help.

All of which I overheard from someone, somewhere.

officepest wrote:

DB10GOONER wrote:

GranadaJoe wrote:Give it a go and let us know what happens.

Will do!

You may have to let the missus slips a latex gloved finger up your pipe in a horrible quid pro quo bargain.

Alternatively, if you spouse is completely shit-faced you may have a better strike rate. Finally, and entirely dependent on your own extra-curricular activities, a certain substance that The Shaman sang about (and were good, apparently) would definitely help.

All of which I overheard from someone, somewhere.

Officer down! Officer down!!

Well, we won't be doing that again!! My fucking ringpiece is shredded!!

Oh, hang on...

I've just realised all this talk of bum love is on the 'religion' thread.

Oh, I'm gonna burn.

officepest wrote:I've just realised all this talk of bum love is on the 'religion' thread.

Oh, I'm gonna burn.

Don't worry. The Old Testament that bans bum sex doesn't mention hell. That wasn't invented until much later.

I think you'll find the reason why there is so much heterosexual HIV in Africa is the fact that some old paedophiles in dresses have banned condoms. So as the old saying went "One up the bum, no harm done."

GranadaJoe wrote:

officepest wrote:I've just realised all this talk of bum love is on the 'religion' thread.

Oh, I'm gonna burn.

Don't worry. The Old Testament that bans bum sex doesn't mention hell. That wasn't invented until much later.

But I have previously worked on the Sabbath; and I've definitely worn a polyester sweatshirt before, so does that mean some arbitrarily appointed death squad have leave to kick me into the grave?

I'm confused.

Absolutely.

The OT is very clear. You should be killed for those things (and hundreds of others).

Don't forget Elijah, who was pissed off because some yoofs were taking the piss out of his bald head, called upon God to punish said yoofs, whereupon two she-bears were sent and they killed 42 children.

However, though you may die an excrutiating death, once it's over, that's it. No limbo, purgatory or hell.

Small mercies!

officepest wrote:

GranadaJoe wrote:

officepest wrote:I've just realised all this talk of bum love is on the 'religion' thread.

Oh, I'm gonna burn.

Don't worry. The Old Testament that bans bum sex doesn't mention hell. That wasn't invented until much later.

But I have previously worked on the Sabbath; and I've definitely worn a polyester sweatshirt before, so does that mean some arbitrarily appointed death squad have leave to kick me into the grave?

I'm confused.

As long as you haven't eaten Fish Fingers on a Friday you'll only get 100 Hail Mary's and an Owe's Yer Father !

GranadaJoe wrote:Absolutely.

The OT is very clear. You should be killed for those things (and hundreds of others).

Don't forget Elijah, who was pissed off because some yoofs were taking the piss out of his bald head, called upon God to punish said yoofs, whereupon two she-bears were sent and they killed 42 children.

However, though you may die an excrutiating death, once it's over, that's it. No limbo, purgatory or hell.

Small mercies!

Isn't that what we're in at the moment with Wenger in charge!?

DB10GOONER wrote:

Chippy wrote:

Bradywasking wrote:One of the Ten Commandments is Thou shalt not take the Lord's Name in Vain.. I as a child assumed that meant not using Jesus or God in a swearing context, but was recently informed by someone who is more in tune with it than I that it means that The Lord or God's name cannot be used in the context of violence , in other words do not kill or maim in the name of God.

Unless the bloke is an expert in ancient hebrew and knows what was going through the head of a man writing something down about 1000 years after it allegedly happened then I would suggest he hasn't got a scooby.

But it's a good point. Most religious doctrine is/was written after the fact. And by man. Modern (more enlightened) religious thinking is that people should not take the word of these books as literal but use them as a guide to living a better life. The problem of course is that alot of moderates don't agree with that and all extremists hold that as blasphemy and/or sacrilege.

Verily tis a very good point...it was Men who wrote the Bible, Quran and talmad(sp?) - all based on hear say (Heresy!)

Old JC didn't really walk on water only Denis bergkamp can do that - All the parables and stories about miracles etc are meant to be anecdotal - and yet people actually believe some bloke waked on water and turned water into wine - He may have been a very nice chap etc - and had an enlightened mind/heart BUT he was in physical form, with the regular desires and physical functions and so he burped and farted etc- just like Ghandi or the Buddha (aka: Fwank)

Anyway all this religion stuff is all Bollocks.

Brilliant from Stephen Fry. The look on Gay Byrne's face is classic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwN ... e=youtu.be

Religion is a joke itself, what a load of old tosh, man made to keep control of the masses, if you don't worship my loving god he will kill you and your family.....nice ....now thats caring. Bollocks to em all.

Nuggets wrote:Religion is a joke itself, what a load of old tosh, man made to keep control of the masses, if you don't worship my loving god he will kill you and your family.....nice ....now thats caring. Bollocks to em all.

Don't let Erdogan hear you saying this.

officepest wrote:

Nuggets wrote:Religion is a joke itself, what a load of old tosh, man made to keep control of the masses, if you don't worship my loving god he will kill you and your family.....nice ....now thats caring. Bollocks to em all.

Don't let Erdogan hear you saying this.

Chippy wrote:Brilliant from Stephen Fry. The look on Gay Byrne's face is classic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwN ... e=youtu.be

Well Said Stephen Fry !