The Gooner Forum

Q What's the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle .
A Shearer will still be on MOTD next season.

goonersid wrote:Q What's the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle .
A Shearer will still be on MOTD next season.

old

A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring
at him, he can ' t believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

' Excuse me do I know you? ' he asks.
' Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids ' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and
says ' Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate
whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse? '

' No ' she replies ' I ' m your son ' s English teacher! '

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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband ' I must confess
darling, I was a hooker! ' .

He says ' That ' s all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I
must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it ' .

She replies ' Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan ! '

One for the golfers

A husband and wife team played golf together every day and the wife was always beating the husband. Tired of this humiliation, the husband decides one day to break his wife concentration . He goes up to her as she was ready to tee off and says " Honey, I love you more then anything in the world, that's why I must be honest with you, I had a mistress for the 15 years we have been married..Of course, that day, the wife could not get a good shot and lost the game to her husband for the first time in their married life.
The next day, the wife decides it is also time to be true to her husband. As he was ready to tee off she says" Honey, since you were so true to me yesterday, I feel oblige to do the same...before we met, I was a man...Well you can imagine the husband 's golf that day.
The next morning at the office, the poor husband is broken down...can't get over what his wife told him...his fellow worker notices his state of mind and asks what's wrong...the husband tells the story, still very troubled by it...."Well, says the co-worker, forget about that, you love your wife, you have been happy for 15 years, get over it and go on as if she had never told you".. "that's not the point" answers the husband...she has been teeing off the women's tee for all that time!

After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened last night?"

"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife.

"Piss on him," answered the husband.

"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."

"Well, fuck him," said the husband.

"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."

Three couples went camping only to discover that only two tents were packed for the trip. After a short discussion it was decided that the men would sleep in one tent while the women would share the other.

At about 2:00 am John was awakened by Bob, who was sleeping beside him, with a huge erection in his hand.

"Look the size of this, it must be all the fresh air, I'm going over to visit my wife!" Bob exclaimed. "Would you like me to come with you?"

John asked. "Why would I want you to come?" Bob asked. "Because that's my cock your holding in your hand."

Mrs Gus (Doris) wrote:Three couples went camping only to discover that only two tents were packed for the trip. After a short discussion it was decided that the men would sleep in one tent while the women would share the other.

At about 2:00 am John was awakened by Bob, who was sleeping beside him, with a huge erection in his hand.

"Look the size of this, it must be all the fresh air, I'm going over to visit my wife!" Bob exclaimed. "Would you like me to come with you?"

John asked. "Why would I want you to come?" Bob asked. "Because that's my cock your holding in your hand."

Quality

7 englishmen and one Irishman in a rape line up, the victim walks in, paddy steps forward and shouts "thats her the grumpy bitch"

goonersid wrote:7 englishmen and one Irishman in a rape line up, the victim walks in, paddy steps forward and shouts "thats her the grumpy bitch"

ungrateful bitch

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:

goonersid wrote:7 englishmen and one Irishman in a rape line up, the victim walks in, paddy steps forward and shouts "thats her the grumpy bitch"

ungrateful bitch

typical from the mug that called me a prick

Postman wrote:A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring
at him, he can ' t believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

' Excuse me do I know you? ' he asks.
' Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids ' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and
says ' Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate
whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse? '

' No ' she replies ' I ' m your son ' s English teacher! '

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband ' I must confess
darling, I was a hooker! ' .

He says ' That ' s all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I
must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it ' .

She replies ' Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan ! '

Classic

Name 3 ships to leave Southampton and never return. Titanic, the premiership and the championship.

What's blue, got 22 legs and is fucking shitting itself?

The Ipswich Town first team.

The teacher asked if anyone in class could use the word incompletely in a sentence?
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Johnny stood up and said "When my balls touch my girlfriends asshole, I know I'm in-completely"