The Gooner Forum

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding
meets with their rabbi for counseling.

The rabbi asks if they have any last questions
before they leave.




The man asks,
"Rabbi, we realize it's tradition
for men to dance with men,
and women to dance with women at the reception.
But, we'd like your permission to dance together,
like the rest of the world."


"Absolutely not," says the rabbi.
"It's immodest.
Men and women always dance separately."


"So after the ceremony
I can't even dance with my own wife?"


"No," answered the rabbi.
"It's forbidden."


"Well, okay," says the man,
"What about sex?
Can we finally have sex?"


"Of course!" replies the rabbi.
"Sex is a mitzvah
a good thing within marriage,
to have children!"


"What about different positions?"
asks the man


"No problem," says the rabbi
"It's a mitzvah!"


"Woman on top?" the man asks.


"Sure," says the rabbi.
"Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"


"Doggy style?"


"Sure! Another mitzvah!"


"On the kitchen table?"


"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"


"Can we do it on rubber sheets
with a bottle of hot oil,
a couple of vibrators,
a leather harness,
a bucket of honey and a porno video?"


"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"


"Can we do it standing up?"


"No." says the rabbi."


"Why not?" asks the man.

"Could lead to dancing!"

quality

Wife treats husband to a night out on his birthday by taking him to a lap dancing club. When they approach the doorman, the doorman says "alright Jim, hows tricks?", wife asks "how do you know him", husband replies "I play football with him", when they get to the bar, the barman says "usual Jim?" , the husband says "before you say anything, he plays darts in my local". When they sit at their table , a dancer says " fancy another special Jim?". The wife has f*****g lost it, drags Jim out the building and straight into a taxi, before they move the driver turns round and says "f**k me Jim. you`ve pulled an ugly *word censored* tonight!"

Following Paul Scharner`s handball, Wigan have graciously offered Tottenham the chance to replay yesterdays game.

*claps*