LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
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StuartL
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by StuartL »

I managed to keep my 2021 resolution not to masturbate

I knocked one out this morning to check all was working.

That was a big relief.
Last edited by StuartL on Sat Jan 01, 2022 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

StuartL wrote:
Sat Jan 01, 2022 6:31 pm
I managed to keep my 2021 resolution not to masturbate

I knocked one our this morning to check all was working.

That was a big relief.
:shock: :shock: :shock:

What!!?? You didn't ave a J Arfur for the whole of 2021!????

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The price of grooming products is getting ridiculous,

70p for a small tube of Smarties!

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

People think that trans women are not real women

Yet their constant whining, attention-seeking and determination to fucking spoil everything, suggests otherwise

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

BBC News - A man from Lancashire has been shot by police in Texas.

Fuck me, that's one hell of a good shot.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

They say Prince Andrew can get off on a legal technicality.

Is there nothing the pervert doesn't find arousing?.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Midget gems have been renamed after complaints from disability charities

They shall now be known as short arsed spazzy little freak chews.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Just found out Sir Anthony Hopkins is Welsh.

Certainly explains why he wanted those lambs to keep quiet.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Think I'll declare war on Afghanistan or somewhere like that.

I quite fancy a knighthood.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Back in the day i didn't know 'Oral B' was a toothbrush.

I thought she was the sluttier member of the Spice girls.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I can’t begin to tell you how much I fucking regret buying the flat above Lionel Ritchie.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I was attending a seminar recently and was asked to list 10 sexual innuendos.

I accidentally wrote down 11 and had to rub one out

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck.

Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

And the results are in. 100% of women agree its not the size of the penis that matters.

It's the fact I'm at the school gates

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"I want you to come over here and do me up the shitter," she demanded.

Even as I was unbuckling my belt I couldn't help thinking that Nan's dementia was definitely getting worse.

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