LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I just filled my blow up doll with Helium.

Now she's playing hard to get

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My Gran has spent her life telling me ‘There’s no place like home’, yet when I tried to put her in one…

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I hate it when people say 'Traveller community'. I prefer to use the term 'caravan utilising nomadic traveller society' or *word censored* for short

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I was watching an 18 film with my little boy earlier. He said, "dad - I'm getting scared. Is that lady going to die?".
I said, "probably son judging by the size of that horse's cock!"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My wife has left me coz I keep getting erections in the most inappropriate of places.

The last one was in her sisters arse!!!

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Why do deaf and dumb girls only use one hand to masturbate..........so they can moan with the other one!

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A patient says to her doctor, "Doctor, would you please kiss me?"
doctor says, "you are a very beautiful woman, but no. It would be against my code of ethics."
"Please, just one kiss," she pleads.
"Sorry," says the doctor, "it's out of the question. In fact, you probably shouldn't even be sucking my cock!"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Being a dyslexic I downloaded Grammar Checker!

Instead of checking punctuation I've ended up wanking over 65 year old women.

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit:



All Quality Lefty mate! "Thank-You"


Love the one about the mother-In-law and the bee sting ! :high5: But ALL very good!. :barscarf:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Thanks OB1 (love star wars :lol: )


:barscarf: :barscarf:

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Midz
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Midz »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2023 2:05 am
A patient says to her doctor, "Doctor, would you please kiss me?"
doctor says, "you are a very beautiful woman, but no. It would be against my code of ethics."
"Please, just one kiss," she pleads.
"Sorry," says the doctor, "it's out of the question. In fact, you probably shouldn't even be sucking my cock!"
:D :D

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Mar 14, 2023 7:57 am
Thanks OB1 (love star wars :lol: )


:barscarf: :barscarf:
Me Too!


May The Force Be With You

(Or as Hawwy Kane says: May Thu Fourth Be With Thoo) :D


Image

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Mar 14, 2023 2:05 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Tue Mar 14, 2023 7:57 am
Thanks OB1 (love star wars :lol: )


:barscarf: :barscarf:
Me Too!


May The Force Be With You

(Or as Hawwy Kane says: May Thu Fourth Be With Thoo) :D


Image
:lol: :lol:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2023 12:27 am
Thoughts go out my Mother-in-law. She's been taken to hospital after a bee landed on her face

Luckily she wasn't stung as I was too quick with the spade.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

All quality Lefty but this one cracked me up in particular. Not sure why. I get on great with my mother in law! :-P

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Thu Mar 16, 2023 7:24 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2023 12:27 am
Thoughts go out my Mother-in-law. She's been taken to hospital after a bee landed on her face

Luckily she wasn't stung as I was too quick with the spade.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

All quality Lefty but this one cracked me up in particular. Not sure why. I get on great with my mother in law! :-P
:lol:

I was actually thinking of my ex mother in law :lol:

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