LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue May 09, 2023 7:54 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol:


Over there even the Vegans eat Cats
:coffeespit:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

We?ve just had a Sunday League cup tie against a team from the local quarry.

We beat them 2-1 on aggregate.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The shop near me is selling a plant based alterative to vapes...

Cigarettes.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Charles and Camilla weren?t wearing seatbelts in the Royal Carriage today.

What a nice tribute to Diana.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

This weekend, I bet on three horses called Sunshine, Moonlight, and Good Times, and none of them won.

I blame it on the bookie

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language. There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

People applauded when they witnessed a dwarf abseiling down a prison wall.

I saw it as a little condescending

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I made the mistake of kidnapping someone from Norfolk.

Cost me a fucking fortune sending their fingers in the post.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing to your liver?" the Doctor asked.

"Fuck off doc," I replied, "You always try this one when it's your round."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Broken quiz machine for sale..

No questions asked.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"I don't do anal or oral, and you must wear a condom and it's £50 up front. "

"Fucking hell mum, no wonder dad fucked off. "

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Scottish police officers are angry about having to be clean shaven.

The men aren't too keen either.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

They say you burn as many calories having sex as you do running until you're exhausted.

So the ladies in my local park get a double workout when I'm around.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I knew I had arrived in Wales when I saw that all the livestock magazines were wrapped in plastic.

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"I just can't stop using the stuff," I told the other addicts. "I go through about two bottles a day. Honestly the bathroom looks like Hiroshima sometimes... "

"Sorry to interrupt mate, but I think you're in the wrong room. Talcoholics Anonymous is next door."

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