LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I've just seen a goose walking down our street, I immediately ran out and shouted BOO! at it.
Fuck the system.
Fuck the system.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Kurt zouma is starring in a remake of a classic pantomime;...........
Boots in puss.
Boots in puss.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
If a female boxer starts her period during a fight,
should her corner throw in the towel?.
should her corner throw in the towel?.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Grandad didn't mind if people came round while he was working
Lovely man, shit anaesthetist
Lovely man, shit anaesthetist
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
In an unexpected twist, Prince Andrew is now paying Virginia Giuffre to keep her mouth closed.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Camilla stricken with coronavirus. Just what we need, a fucking equine variant!
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Roses are red
Violets are pricey
Free flowers from an accident black-spot
That'll do nicely
Violets are pricey
Free flowers from an accident black-spot
That'll do nicely
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
- Sofia Jirau makes history as first Victoria's Secret model with Downs Syndrome.
Also, not my proudest wannk.
Also, not my proudest wannk.
- OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Feb 18, 2022 2:57 pmIn an unexpected twist, Prince Andrew is now paying Virginia Giuffre to keep her mouth closed.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I got cut off by a taxi driver last week.
I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.
I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue.
"How much to the station ?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ok" I said "Let's go"
As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!..
I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.
I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue.
"How much to the station ?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ok" I said "Let's go"
As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!..
- DB10GOONER
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- Contact:
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Feb 18, 2022 3:01 pm- Sofia Jirau makes history as first Victoria's Secret model with Downs Syndrome.
Also, not my proudest wannk.
- OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Mine neither!LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Feb 18, 2022 3:01 pm- Sofia Jirau makes history as first Victoria's Secret model with Downs Syndrome.
Also, not my proudest wannk.
- corkbarry1
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.
He spoke to his toes:
"Hello toes." He said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!"
"Hello, knees!" He continued. "How are you? You know you're 92 today.. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think, If you were alive today, you'd be 92."
He spoke to his toes:
"Hello toes." He said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!"
"Hello, knees!" He continued. "How are you? You know you're 92 today.. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think, If you were alive today, you'd be 92."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Fri Feb 18, 2022 2:33 pmI told my neighbour I was going on holiday and he asked me to bring him back two hundred cigarettes.
Yesterday I knocked on his door and said “I've got your cigs, you owe me £130”
He said “£130? Where hell have you been?”
“Cornwall”
- corkbarry1
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids.
He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
At the end of the talk, there is some time for questions.
Little Sasha puts her hand up and says "I have two questions:
Why did the Russians take Crimea? And why are we now sending troops to Ukraine?"
Putin says "Good questions..." But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go for lunch.
When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions so another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says,
"I have four questions. My Questions are:
Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?
Why did the bell go 20 minutes early for lunch? And where is Sasha?
He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
At the end of the talk, there is some time for questions.
Little Sasha puts her hand up and says "I have two questions:
Why did the Russians take Crimea? And why are we now sending troops to Ukraine?"
Putin says "Good questions..." But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go for lunch.
When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions so another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says,
"I have four questions. My Questions are:
Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?
Why did the bell go 20 minutes early for lunch? And where is Sasha?