LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

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Postman
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Postman »

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.
The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't.
It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray.
He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.
The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Fri Aug 26, 2022 2:59 pm
It must be an extremely worrying time for anybody who has dumped a body in a reservoir....
:lol: :lol: :lol:


:rubchin:


Uh! Oh! I'd better go and check. :oops:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

ps: Enjoyed all those jokes Lefty! First Class mate! :high5:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:14 pm
ps: Enjoyed all those jokes Lefty! First Class mate! :high5:
Cheers Onebard, I've not posted much for a while, life's taken a few unexpected twists but thought I'd drop in

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

    LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
    Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:18 am
    OneBardGooner wrote:
    Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:14 pm
    ps: Enjoyed all those jokes Lefty! First Class mate! :high5:
    Cheers Onebard, I've not posted much for a while, life's taken a few unexpected twists but thought I'd drop in
    Well it/they made me laugh lots! :lol:

    Hope those unexpected twists sort themselves out mate!. :cheers:

    gazzatt2
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    Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

    Post by gazzatt2 »

    LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
    Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:18 am
    OneBardGooner wrote:
    Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:14 pm
    ps: Enjoyed all those jokes Lefty! First Class mate! :high5:
    Cheers Onebard, I've not posted much for a while, life's taken a few unexpected twists but thought I'd drop in
    I enjoy your jokes
    currently recovering form an operation to pin a bone in my foot (right :D )
    6 weeks in a cast with no weight to be on foot so far
    hope you can post more often

    hope your unexpected twists are resolved or can be
    Gazza

    LeftfootlegendGooner
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    Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

    Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

    OneBardGooner wrote:
    Sat Aug 27, 2022 9:02 am
      LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
      Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:18 am
      OneBardGooner wrote:
      Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:14 pm
      ps: Enjoyed all those jokes Lefty! First Class mate! :high5:
      Cheers Onebard, I've not posted much for a while, life's taken a few unexpected twists but thought I'd drop in
      Well it/they made me laugh lots! :lol:

      Hope those unexpected twists sort themselves out mate!. :cheers:
      Cheers mate, I hope so too :wink:

      LeftfootlegendGooner
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

      gazzatt2 wrote:
      Sat Aug 27, 2022 11:45 am
      LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
      Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:18 am
      OneBardGooner wrote:
      Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:14 pm
      ps: Enjoyed all those jokes Lefty! First Class mate! :high5:
      Cheers Onebard, I've not posted much for a while, life's taken a few unexpected twists but thought I'd drop in
      I enjoy your jokes
      currently recovering form an operation to pin a bone in my foot (right :D )
      6 weeks in a cast with no weight to be on foot so far
      hope you can post more often

      hope your unexpected twists are resolved or can be
      Gazza
      Cheers gazza, I hope your foot recovers well, yes I shall post more often now I know there's two who look on this thread :lol:

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      OneBardGooner
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by OneBardGooner »

      I think a lot more peeps look at the thread / your jokes mate, they just don't say anything. A bit like the Posting Pictures thread - People have a sneaky gander but don't say anything.. Except Shu of course whose is a right Dirrrrtyy bastard! :lol: :wink: :wink: :wink:

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      StuartL
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by StuartL »

      LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
      Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:02 pm
      I just failed my RAF entrance exam.

      Apparently 'the bombay doors' are NOT an Indian tribute band.
      That was my favourite

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      Midz
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by Midz »

      I liked the dwarf / bungalow very much :D :D



      I've decided to sell my hoover....it's just gathering dust!

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      corkbarry1
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by corkbarry1 »

      FIRST TEXT MESSAGE:
      Hi, Morris. This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. - Saul.

      Morris, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Saul dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Morris then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Saul.

      SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
      Hi, Morris. Saul here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, hey? It'll be the death of us.

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      Midz
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by Midz »

      corkbarry1 wrote:
      Tue Aug 30, 2022 11:01 am
      FIRST TEXT MESSAGE:
      Hi, Morris. This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. - Saul.

      Morris, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Saul dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Morris then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Saul.

      SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
      Hi, Morris. Saul here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, hey? It'll be the death of us.
      :D :D

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      Midz
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by Midz »

      I've just tried to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween & the girl in the shop tried to sell me a Tottenham shirt.

      I said I think you must have misheard me..... I want to look like a count!

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      DB10GOONER
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      Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

      Post by DB10GOONER »

      Midz wrote:
      Wed Nov 09, 2022 4:08 pm
      I've just tried to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween & the girl in the shop tried to sell me a Tottenham shirt.

      I said I think you must have misheard me..... I want to look like a count!
      :lol: :lol:

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