LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant in town and she says, "Wow! Smell that food, it smells delicious!"
Being a kindhearted Scot he thought, "What the hell... I'll treat her!"
So they walked past the restaurant again...

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Took my trousers to the dry cleaners and said.."can you get another stain out of these like you did last week?"
He replied "Come again."
I said. "No, Red Wine this time."

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My girlfriends been going down on me every day for the past month, I think I need a puncture repair kit

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I've decided to identify as an American.

Well I'm going to give it a shot anyway

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My gay mate is into extreme anal insertions but just broke up with his boyfriend.

I told him not to be sad, after all there's plenty of other fists in the sea.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A girl in the US was shot in the head whilst playing hide and seek.

She clearly wasn't very good.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a lathe and whittle away until they are left with a perfectly formed bat. The bat will be cured and treated to strengthen it and then, when it is finally ready, they will use it to knock a leather ball around a park.

In Scotland, they just throw the fucking tree.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I met my new Spanish girlfriend at a local castanet club.

We just clicked.

User avatar
OneBardGooner
Posts: 42540
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
Location: Close To The Edge

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit:


There's some crackers there Lefty.. Thank-You... I laughed with tears in my eyes....That'll teach me to read your posts while peeling onions! Boom! Boom! :wink:

Especially the Tribute to Diana one!
and
The Welsh magazines one!

That last one was Baaaaaa ad! :lol:

:cheers: :hail: :hail: :hail:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri May 12, 2023 1:29 pm
:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit:


There's some crackers there Lefty.. Thank-You... I laughed with tears in my eyes....That'll teach me to read your posts while peeling onions! Boom! Boom! :wink:

Especially the Tribute to Diana one!
and
The Welsh magazines one!

That last one was Baaaaaa ad! :lol:

:cheers: :hail: :hail: :hail:
:lol: :barscarf:

Cheers mate, I know that last one was so bad that I had to put it in :lol:

User avatar
OneBardGooner
Posts: 42540
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
Location: Close To The Edge

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

:lol:

Ohhh! Come on don't get all Sheepish on me! :D :wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Fri May 12, 2023 5:45 pm
:lol:

Ohhh! Come on don't get all Sheepish on me! :D :wink:
:barscarf: :lol:

User avatar
Midz
Posts: 4880
Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 6:36 pm
Location: Rice Rice Baby !

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Midz »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Fri May 12, 2023 9:31 am
Took my trousers to the dry cleaners and said.."can you get another stain out of these like you did last week?"
He replied "Come again."
I said. "No, Red Wine this time."
:D :D

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

One for DB

What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?

Stupid question, even a child knows that.

User avatar
OneBardGooner
Posts: 42540
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:41 am
Location: Close To The Edge

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Fri May 12, 2023 7:45 pm
One for DB

What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?

Stupid question, even a child knows that.
:coffeespit: :coffeespit: :coffeespit:

Post Reply