LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA.

Unless it?s a small electric car, when you have to use the AAA.

[DB10GOONER]

Somebody wrote, "procrastinating twat!" on the side of my house.

When I find out who did it, their fucking years are numbered.

All quality Lefty but this one in particular made me laugh out loud.

[OneBardGooner]

Its now cheaper to get burgled than it is to leave a light on when you go on holiday

Brilliant!...

(and perhaps true!?)


All good one's Lefty but that one really made me spit my Ebal Teal over the screen!


Believe me mate, after the worst day of my year (so far) Those really helped!.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Somebody wrote, "procrastinating twat!" on the side of my house.

When I find out who did it, their fucking years are numbered.

All quality Lefty but this one in particular made me laugh out loud.

Cheers DB, will try and do a Christmas special next Friday

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Its now cheaper to get burgled than it is to leave a light on when you go on holiday

Brilliant!...

(and perhaps true!?)


All good one's Lefty but that one really made me spit my Ebal Teal over the screen!


Believe me mate, after the worst day of my year (so far) Those really helped!.

Cheers Onebard, sorry to hear you had a bad day, I hope it gets better for you, I really do.

Glad it helped a bit

[OneBardGooner]

Its now cheaper to get burgled than it is to leave a light on when you go on holiday

Brilliant!...

(and perhaps true!?)


All good one's Lefty but that one really made me spit my Ebal Teal over the screen!


Believe me mate, after the worst day of my year (so far) Those really helped!.

Cheers Onebard, sorry to hear you had a bad day, I hope it gets better for you, I really do.

Glad it helped a bit

They did indeed mate. I'll PM you.

[shu]

Ha ha that’s shit but so funny thanks

[shu]

According to official sources, Japan recorded its hottest ever days last week at a maximum of 106f.

I dispute that. August 6th & 9th 1945

Ha ha

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers.

Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.

She told me 'Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace'

So I bought her nothing.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Every Christmas I'd come running downstairs to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as I could.

Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour lunch before watching TV for the rest of the day.

I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas. Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Merry Christmas 2015
From, Royal Mail

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”