LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I saw an ad for free hardcore so I went straight round. "Its all on the front drive mate," he said, "Help yourself."
Fuck, I thought to myself... It must be absolute filth if he's buried it under that massive pile of rubble.
Fuck, I thought to myself... It must be absolute filth if he's buried it under that massive pile of rubble.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Huge queues are forming at Buckingham Palace on news that Prince Andrew is giving away huge amounts of money to people he has never met
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
In science news today, graphene is no longer the thinnest material known to man.
It's been surpassed by the layer of tarmac the fucking pikeys put on my dad's driveway.
It's been surpassed by the layer of tarmac the fucking pikeys put on my dad's driveway.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I just got kicked off the bus for doing my stretching exercises.
What these people don't appreciate is that a tight foreskin is no fucking joke.
What these people don't appreciate is that a tight foreskin is no fucking joke.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
So there I was in Saudi Arabia holding hands with my mate Dave.
No idea who they belonged to but we found them by the bins.
No idea who they belonged to but we found them by the bins.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Had my first threesome yesterday.
OK, I had a ***** watching a women breastfeeding her baby on the bus, but I'm still counting it.
OK, I had a ***** watching a women breastfeeding her baby on the bus, but I'm still counting it.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I told my wife I fancied separate holidays this year and it caused the biggest row in our married lives.
Anyway, it's resolved, I'm going to Magaluf with the lads and she's spending it in a battered wives hostel.
Anyway, it's resolved, I'm going to Magaluf with the lads and she's spending it in a battered wives hostel.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I was in the pub with my mate last night when he said to me, "Look, mate, I've been having an affair and my wife's getting suspicious.
If she asks, I was with you last night." I nodded.
"No problem." A minute later, his wife came into the pub and said straight at me. "Dave wasn't home last night - I think he was shagging some slag!"
"No, he wasn't," I replied immediately, winking at him. "He was shagging me."
If she asks, I was with you last night." I nodded.
"No problem." A minute later, his wife came into the pub and said straight at me. "Dave wasn't home last night - I think he was shagging some slag!"
"No, he wasn't," I replied immediately, winking at him. "He was shagging me."
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
SHAGGY: what did the vet say you have?
SCOOBY DOO: rabies.
SHAGGY: zoinks i didn’t even know you could get pregnant.
SCOOBY DOO: rabies.
SHAGGY: zoinks i didn’t even know you could get pregnant.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I can't believe how sexist these covid rules are
Crowds allowed back at men's football
Crowds still banned from women's football
Crowds allowed back at men's football
Crowds still banned from women's football
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
My mate died in an accident with a cement lorry.
There's already a statue of him.
There's already a statue of him.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I hope Prince Andrew hasn't agreed a massive settlement in his sex abuse case.
What with fuel bills sky high as well, we're going to struggle to pay it.
What with fuel bills sky high as well, we're going to struggle to pay it.
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Did you know that the phrase "playing the field" originated in Wales?
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
I told my neighbour I was going on holiday and he asked me to bring him back two hundred cigarettes.
Yesterday I knocked on his door and said “I've got your cigs, you owe me £130”
He said “£130? Where hell have you been?”
“Cornwall”
Yesterday I knocked on his door and said “I've got your cigs, you owe me £130”
He said “£130? Where hell have you been?”
“Cornwall”
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
’Footballs must be sold with cigarette-style warnings over players’ dementia risk, study says’
If you're trying to smoke a football, it's probably too late for the dementia warning.
If you're trying to smoke a football, it's probably too late for the dementia warning.