The Gooner Forum

It was my ex-girlfriends birthday today, and I'd bought her a sewing machine off the internet and got the company to send it to her direct.

Anyway, she phoned this afternoon and said she'd received the parcel, and wanted to open it whilst I was on the phone.

So, she rips off the packaging and gets all excited when she sees 'Brother sewing machine' written on the box (after all, it's what she'd really wanted).

She then opens the box, and there's a pause...

"erm... is this a joke?" she asks, laughing slightly and definitely confused.

I shit you not, inside the box was not a sewing machine, but a cheap plastic fucking shoe rack!!

I'll phone the company in the morning, but I thought that was bloody hilarious

You got her a sewing machine?

You gone into business with Herd?
Running a Far-Eastern sweatshop operation, knocking up fake Arsenal tops to flog to unsuspecting tourists in Hong Kong?

QuartzGooner wrote:You got her a sewing machine?

You gone into business with Herd?
Running a Far-Eastern sweatshop operation, knocking up fake Arsenal tops to flog to unsuspecting tourists in Hong Kong?

if that's the case i'll take a lot of gervinho tops, real hot sellers over on this side of the pond

Why she is your ex girlfriend? Did she go on holiday? Why are you buying her presents?

Where did you buy it from?

and more importantly why are you buying you ex presents?

What. The. Fuck.

Why would you buy your ex a present? And why a fucking sewing machine?

This thread makes me sick to my stomach.

DB10GOONER wrote:What. The. Fuck.

Why would you buy your ex a present? And why a fucking sewing machine?

This thread makes me sick to my stomach.

What a shit fucking end to the story. There she was, opening up her box for you while you were on the phone (at this point I already had my cock out)... two paragraphs later it turns out I've ended up unwittingly tugging one out over a bloody shoe rack?!?! I'd like to say that's the first time that's happened to me but sadly I can't. Sincerest apologies once again to the good people of Clark's in Brent Cross.

Its Up 4 Grabs Now wrote:What a shit fucking end to the story. There she was, opening up her box for you while you were on the phone (at this point I already had my cock out)... two paragraphs later it turns out I've ended up unwittingly tugging one out over a bloody shoe rack?!?! I'd like to say that's the first time that's happened to me but sadly I can't. Sincerest apologies once again to the good people of Clark's in Brent Cross.

Have to admit to shooting me muck over a few racks in my time - but a shoe rack??!!

Have you no sole?

DB10GOONER wrote:

Its Up 4 Grabs Now wrote:What a shit fucking end to the story. There she was, opening up her box for you while you were on the phone (at this point I already had my cock out)... two paragraphs later it turns out I've ended up unwittingly tugging one out over a bloody shoe rack?!?! I'd like to say that's the first time that's happened to me but sadly I can't. Sincerest apologies once again to the good people of Clark's in Brent Cross.

Have to admit to shooting me muck over a few racks in my time - but a shoe rack??!!

Have you no sole?

You don't even wanna know what happened in Tie Rack. Almost put them out of business, singlehandedly.

Something tells me this isn't the first time a woman's opened up her box for young g88ner only for her to have to ask a few seconds later "erm... is this a joke?"

Its Up 4 Grabs Now wrote:

DB10GOONER wrote:

Its Up 4 Grabs Now wrote:What a shit fucking end to the story. There she was, opening up her box for you while you were on the phone (at this point I already had my cock out)... two paragraphs later it turns out I've ended up unwittingly tugging one out over a bloody shoe rack?!?! I'd like to say that's the first time that's happened to me but sadly I can't. Sincerest apologies once again to the good people of Clark's in Brent Cross.

Have to admit to shooting me muck over a few racks in my time - but a shoe rack??!!

Have you no sole?

You don't even wanna know what happened in Tie Rack. Almost put them out of business, singlehandedly.

Something tells me this isn't the first time a woman's opened up her box for young g88ner only for her to have to ask a few seconds later "erm... is this a joke?"

Tie Rack as well??!! I wouldn't expect such a flip-flop from a straight-laced guy like you.

Its Up 4 Grabs Now wrote:

DB10GOONER wrote:

Its Up 4 Grabs Now wrote:What a shit fucking end to the story. There she was, opening up her box for you while you were on the phone (at this point I already had my cock out)... two paragraphs later it turns out I've ended up unwittingly tugging one out over a bloody shoe rack?!?! I'd like to say that's the first time that's happened to me but sadly I can't. Sincerest apologies once again to the good people of Clark's in Brent Cross.

Have to admit to shooting me muck over a few racks in my time - but a shoe rack??!!

Have you no sole?

You don't even wanna know what happened in Tie Rack. Almost put them out of business, singlehandedly.

Something tells me this isn't the first time a woman's opened up her box for young g88ner only for her to have to ask a few seconds later "erm... is this a joke?"

A couple of brilliant posts there, IU4GN! (sandwiching DB10's shite "sole" pun )

Still haven't answered what the fuck you're doing buying presents for ex's

g88ner wrote:


You don't even wanna know what h
A couple of brilliant posts there, IU4GN! (sandwiching DB10's shite "sole" pun )

Steady on there McLovin! Should I be expecting a sewing-machine-cum-shoe-rack through the post any day now too?

flash gunner wrote:Still haven't answered what the fuck you're doing buying presents for ex's

Well as it was a sewing machine I'm guessing it's either because...

1) she was still in stitches from laughing so hard at his little northern willy, or...

2) she literally needed re-stitching after the postman ripped her fanny to smithereens just before she broke up with g88ner in the first place.