LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:41 am

I just found out I’m colourblind.

It came completely out of the Purple.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:43 am

The hardest thing about a sex change operation is trying to make cheese taste like fish.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:44 am

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean.

I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:46 am

I’m desperate to get back with my ex wife, but she’s having none of it... She thinks I’m only after her for my money.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:52 am

What's an old Catholic priest's favourite tune?

The Magic Flute in D minor

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:56 am

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:58 am

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:00 am

Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy? Something inside me says yes!

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:00 am

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally shit your pants, but he's still making fun of me.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:55 am

Feminists just want to be treated equally

To the pretty ones.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:57 am

Women want equality ...

And maybe when they evolve and realise that a bad mood is not a valid reason to mistreat people, they might deserve it.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:57 am

Interesting that feminists are never feminine.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:59 am

I went into a women's changing room today and forced everyone to act as if they wanted me there

Like a female football pundit.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 10:02 am

If modern society has taught us anything, it's that the less a person is qualified to have an opinion

The more likely she is to express it

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 8352
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Feb 06, 2020 10:06 am

So Boris Johnson wants to build a bridge from Britain to France.

The French are said to he happy with this as it gives their army another direction to run in.


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