LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

You'd never get planning permission to build a city on rock and roll.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Does anyone know how to fix a sat-nav?... ...Mine is broken, it keeps telling me Tottenham's in europe.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will...I have no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm just off to Google it now!

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I'm just on holiday and got my girlfriend to smuggle some coke up her arse through customs. I didn't realise I could've just bought another can in the departure lounge.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Imagine The Titanic with a lisp.

It's unthinkable.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Harvey Weinstein told me if i sucked his dick, i would become famous. ....said a bunch of famous women.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Accidently said hello to a feminist the other day. My trial starts on Monday.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

g88ner wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:17 pm
come on lefty, we could all do with a laugh mate! :barscarf:
Some on there now gooner, can't promise they're funny :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Scientists in China have successfully cloned two macaque monkeys.

It's quite impossible to tell them apart , said one of the monkeys

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Told the girlfriend that Mum is deaf so speak loud and slow.

Told Mum that the girlfriend is retarded.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10498
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Last night a gunman burst into the Celebrity Big Brother house and killed everyone.

Victims are yet to be identified.

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