As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful
woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she
flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'. The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up
another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'. Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred , he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto
'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f**k do you want?'
'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. 'Ryanair'.
Two flees from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami
For a vacation.
Last year when one flee gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and
Shaking, damn near frozen to death!
The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"
The first flea says, "I rode down here from Mount Clemens in the
Moustache of a guy on a Harley."
The other flea tells him, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I
Do: Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are
There, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in
Where it's warm and cosy. It's the best way to travel that I can think
Of."
The first flee thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try
Next winter.
A year goes by, and when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all
Blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near frozen to death!
The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"
Yes," says the first flee, "I did exactly as you said, I went to the
Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young
Stewardess came in. I crawled right up to a warm cosy spot. It was so
Nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately. "
"Well then, what happened?" the first flee asked.
"When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of the guy on the Harley!"
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
' Brenda , may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin' to tell ya'.
'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim .
But where's my husband?'
' That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda . There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery'
'Oh, God no!' cries Brenda 'Please don't tell me.'
'I must, Brenda .. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim .. 'How did it happen, Tim ?'
'It was terrible, Brenda .... He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout , and drowned.'
' Oh my dear Jesus ! But you must tell me true, Tim , did he at least go quickly?'
'Well, Brenda , no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.'
DB10GOONER wrote:A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful
woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she
flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'. The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up
another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'. Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred , he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto
'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f**k do you want?'
'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. 'Ryanair'.
Young Paddy, moved to Roscommon and bought a Donkey from a farmer for €100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Paddy replied,
'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said,
'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Paddy said,
'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked,
'What are ya gonna do with him?
Paddy said,
'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said,
'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Paddy said,
'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened
with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said,
'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two euro's a piece and made
a profit of €898.00.'
The farmer said,
'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said,
'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two euro's back.'
Paddy now works for the Irish Government
EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY .and we are sticking with it !!
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.
'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets
Are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful,
But I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the
Other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms,
Catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes.
They're a real pain.'
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body
Came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having
Only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this,
You know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed
Only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into
The bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'
'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals
Are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals
Have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right.
How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
Create a man from a part of you.... Let's see....where did I put that useless tit?'
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that rubbish about the rib?
