Arsenal - Angelina Jolie
Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the
potential to really screw you over
Aston Villa - Dido
One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really
Birmingham City - Mariah Carey
Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick
Blackburn Rovers - Melanie Sykes
Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.
Bolton Wanderers - Natalie Imbruglia
Always looks like she might go down but never does
Charlton Athletic - Martine McCutcheon
Chirpy Cockney with the ability to spring a few surprises
Chelsea - Rachel Stevens
Every bit looks good from all angles. But what is she doing with that prick
Everton - Barbara Windsor
Been laughing at those t*ts so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good
Fulham - Andrea Corr
Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame
Leicester City - Patsy Palmer
Generally a bit crap and second rate really, but some people like her
Leeds United - Lisa Scott Lee
Dirty Lee
Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor
Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work
when put together.
Man City - Madonna
Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars.
Nice new home though
Man United - Jordan
Dominated by t*ts. Screwed by Dwight Yorke. Quite repulsive
really
Middlesborough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson
Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to
speak of.
Newcastle United - Christina Aguillera
Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.
Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde
On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's
going to do next
Southampton - Kylie Minogue
Sometimes you feel sorry for them, they’re not huge and you've got a
bit of a soft spot.
Tottenham - Joan Collins
Used to look good, but living on past glories.
Additional one more...
West Ham - Britney Spears
Been threatening to go down for the last few years, but finally did
it this year.
