What to do?

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

Ok a serious issue here

i have today done some little bit of digging around the net to find my sperm donor father and found some interesting stuff out.

I have also wanted to get some viewpoints from people i dont really know, but trust to be brutally honest. I have spoken to no one about this and certainly not my mother or younger sister.

Today, i felt like typing in the name of the woman who stole my father from my family in 1980, I was seven, my sister three. My sister was a daddies girl and it greatly effected her more so than me. I knew he was a *word censored* after seeing him beat my mother regularly.
Anyway, i decided as i am bored with school hols to see if the past could be dug up and hey presto, the tart bag has a facebook account and still holds my surname. What i can figure out is that the sperm donor is not on the scene anymore, but has laid his mark down on three more human beings. I now find out today that i have two half brothers and one half sister....all in their twenties.

Now this is my dilemma...i do want to know what happened to my father, but i dont really want to rock the boat with regards the siblings. I am sure they must know of my existence and that of my sister, but i am not sure as to what i should do. I dont want to contact the wench, however, i do remember her face and those beady eyes on the few occasions i stayed with my dad at his new home....it all ended when i was 10 and decided i didnt want anymore to do with him.

Yesterday, it got me thinking, my father is/was a Celtic man and i was wondering if he was in the ground...chances are not, but he did follow them. I spoke to numerous Celtic fans after the game and told them of my background being that my father was born in the Gallowgate. I just wanted to know what you guys think?

Should i just leave it.....or should i contact her?
Thing is, i dont know how she would react, and how my mother would feel if she found out i had contacted her nemesis. I do however, need to know what happened to my father?

Advice please.

[northbankbren]

If you really want to find out what happened to him is there no one other than her you could contact. And try and find him via a different route.

Also will knowing what happened to him have an effect on your life and will it be for the better?

Its a tough one. But as i said if you really do want to contact him I'd try it via an old mate or someone other than "her".

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

If you really want to find out what happened to him is there no one other than her you could contact. And try and find him via a different route.

Also will knowing what happened to him have an effect on your life and will it be for the better?

Its a tough one. But as i said if you really do want to contact him I'd try it via an old mate or someone other than "her".

Bren

She is the ONLY route, nearly 30 years have passed since i had contact with him, all ties were cut, nobody else is connected to my family to him. Alas she is the only route, and why would she tell me the truth.....its tough and i really am not too worried, i guess i just want some closure.

[northbankbren]

Maybe then get a mate to contact her saying he's an old mate and need to get in contact.

I suppose what im saying is the less you have to deal with her the better. If there is a chance of really upsetting your mum by her finding out then best get someone else do it for you.

[REB]

its a tough choice to make but if your happy with life then maybe you should let it go.
but at the end of the day and what ever advice you get only you can make that decision sammy, but i think if it was me i would want contact and would want answers,

yeah i know two answers in there so sorry

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

Maybe then get a mate to contact her saying he's an old mate and need to get in contact.

I suppose what im saying is the less you have to deal with her the better. If there is a chance of really upsetting your mum by her finding out then best get someone else do it for you.

Maybe....funny thing is this....i just looked at her facebook account and had access to her photos and videos.....it was not like it was her, but then when i heard her voice it was 100% her....weird how that happens...not heard it for nearly thirty years...yet it was like yesterday hearing her voice. In the video was i believe was my half brother and it was strange as he so looks like his father lol poor sod.

Oh well, must ponder

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

its a tough choice to make but if your happy with life then maybe you should let it go.
but at the end of the day and what ever advice you get only you can make that decision sammy, but i think if it was me i would want contact and would want answers,

yeah i know two answers in there so sorry

Mate no need to apologise. I am not like overtly bothered, but having seen what i just wrote above....it makes the brain tick. I just want to know if he is dead or alive....closure....not really bothered about the new siblings and stuff....just the closure...

[REB]

its a tough choice to make but if your happy with life then maybe you should let it go.
but at the end of the day and what ever advice you get only you can make that decision sammy, but i think if it was me i would want contact and would want answers,

yeah i know two answers in there so sorry

Mate no need to apologise. I am not like overtly bothered, but having seen what i just wrote above....it makes the brain tick. I just want to know if he is dead or alive....closure....not really bothered about the new siblings and stuff....just the closure...

then i feel you have you have just answered yourself, so if you do then i hope you find your closure,and good luck because i can imagine its not an easy thing to do.

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

Rebel

You is a wise man....did anyone say?

[REB]

Rebel

You is a wise man....did anyone say?

every day from the wife

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

Rebel

You is a wise man....did anyone say?

every day from the wife

[olgitgooner]

Bit of a dilemma, Sammy.

In your shoes, I would definately want to know what has happened in the man's life. And, indeed, if he is still alive.

But, that might open a whole can of worms. Supposing your biological father wants to make contact with you? Phone calls, or maybe meet you again? How would you react? How would your mother react? Would it be a good experience, or a bad one?

In the final analysis, it doesn't really matter where you come from. What's important is who you are, now that you're here.

Why don't you tell your mother how you are feeling? Talk it through with her. She would probably be very understanding. Most mums are like that. And it would be better than making contact with your father's woman without your mother's knowledge.

Good luck with it all.

[Bergkamp-Genius]

Thats not true olgit..mums aren't always understanding in those situations...i know from my own experience with my own Mum she was bitter as f*ck and still is 20 odd years on..i didn't see my old man for three years after they split up and the first time i went to see him my Mum was in a right state as she was anytime i saw him after that..which is strange because i have f*ck all to do with him now and she talks about it like it's a shame..
In situations like this mothers can be very bitter they may put on a brave face and say and act like they don't mind but behind that there is likely to be the feeling that you are being disloyal and there can be a lot of jealousy and anger.

Sammy this is a difficuilt one and i suppose it comes down to how much you think of your Mother and what kind of woman she is and also how much it means to you to take the matter further..If it is not too big an issue for you personally i would let it lie because reading your story i would be very surprised if it didn't have a very negative effect on your mother if she found out you were taking an interest in someone who has scarred her deeply and someone who by the sounds of it contributed nothing to the most important years of your life ...

[SammyDroppedHisShorts]

Well


I have just seen my father on facebook. It took some digging as there are hundreds of people who share his name.
However, went through an old aunts name (lives in Melbourne) and there he was...on the friends list...so clicked

I have just read his profile and his news feed, he has three very happy kids and in particular a doting daughter.....(my sister was doting) and well...i am now very torn.

Spoke to my mum mentioned i had found the woman...she was very quiet and said she didnt want to know. At least i know he is alive...well he was on June 26th wanting a German shirt.

So tempted to send hima facebook message.....but not really sure if its wise...will need to speak to my sister and see what she thinks.....i am pretty confused now grrrr

[QuartzGooner]

I would contact her, but keep in mind she either may not know where your father is, or may not care to tell you. She may suggest your only route is through your half siblings, in which case I would still ask them.
You may even get on well with them.