I did not know Percy sent out Birthdays cards!I Hate Hleb wrote:
By the way, as we're talking about an age-related subject, did you ever receive that card from the Queen when you reached 'the big one'?
Joke time
-
Charlie! Charlie!
- Posts: 3680
- Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:22 pm
- Location: Mums the word
-
MegaGooner
- Posts: 2710
- Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 9:27 pm
- Location: every full moon
), it's become so ridiculous that I can only laugh and then 
Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."
His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"
His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"
His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"
His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"
An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"
The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."
Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?"
"Fabulous," the old man said. "I've cum three times already."
"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."
"Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet."
The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."
Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?"
"Fabulous," the old man said. "I've cum three times already."
"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."
"Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet."
-
mcdowell42
- Posts: 18137
- Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:19 pm
- Location: ireland
A guy brings his big rotteweiller to the vets.He says to the vet i think my dog is crosseyed.
The vet says ill have a look at him he picks up the dog checks his eyes checks his teeth checks him all over.
The vet turns around to the guy and says im going to have to put him down.
The guys says what because hes crosseyed.
The vet says no because hes too heavy.
The vet says ill have a look at him he picks up the dog checks his eyes checks his teeth checks him all over.
The vet turns around to the guy and says im going to have to put him down.
The guys says what because hes crosseyed.
The vet says no because hes too heavy.
-
LeftfootlegendGooner
- Posts: 10990
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
Just received a parce from Holland today.
I opened it up and there was a rubber fanny inside.
I thought....."that's nice.........Two Lips from Amsterdam"
A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque
She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
And tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
She looks at the flabbergasted teller
And without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some arsehole's got my pen!'
I opened it up and there was a rubber fanny inside.
I thought....."that's nice.........Two Lips from Amsterdam"
A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque
She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
And tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
She looks at the flabbergasted teller
And without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some arsehole's got my pen!'
-
LeftfootlegendGooner
- Posts: 10990
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
-
LeftfootlegendGooner
- Posts: 10990
- Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
-
Bendtners Drinking Buddy
- Posts: 2392
- Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 10:53 am
