Ever been caught short at a footie match?

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
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OneBardGooner
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Post by OneBardGooner »

Not at a footie game...but.....I once was a regular at Glastonbury Festival - ever since I attended the first one- free - and ended up playing congas with the band Traffic...I was a VERY young teenager and had gone awol from home .anyway's...

about 15 years ago I went to Glasto (as you do) and I was eating all the usual veggie curries, veggie burgers ....along with enormous amounts of rough cider, wine etc etc etc...so by the afternoon of the second day of the festival I was busting for a Barney McGroo......but all the entrances & floors to the circular toilets were total mudswamps...and one guy had already slipped and gone into the big tank of shyte and stuff in the middle and being rather 'merry' I wasn't about to chance it, so I headed for the outskirts of the site..........which back then was nowhere near as far/big as it is nowadays...I see this big thick lush fully leafed hedgerow...which is hidden from the site/tents etc etc

So I get in there drop me strides and drop 2 days worth of foodstuffs and alchohol.....

What a relief I'm thinking... :-P :-P :-P Then I hear all these car horns honking away and it starts getting louder as more join in :cake: :mrgnu: - as I finish wiping the craggy of my waggy (nice one Ian Dury!! :wink: ) with my strides still around my ankles....there's a looooooong line of cars & vans etc etc....all in a queue along this road.....and I have have just given them a full picture/video of something I'm sure they'll NEVER Forget!... :ewwwww: :speechless: :speechless: :speechless:

I blushed from head to toe :oops: :oops: :oops: .......and that blush lasted for the rest of the festival...and evrytime someone looked at me strange(ish) I was thinking oh!! Feck !!!!!! :shock: were they in that traffic jam queue!????.................

still

better out than in. :wink:
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mrgnu1958
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Post by mrgnu1958 »

:mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu: :mrgnu:
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12thGooner
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Post by 12thGooner »

at wolves before the rebuilt the stadium it wasn't uncommon for fans to stand on the terrace roof and piss down on the people below. the amount of stories i heard where people thought it was raining.

i can only confirm one of these to be true from my old geography teacher who it happened to once.
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QuartzGooner
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Post by QuartzGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
So I get in there drop me strides and drop 2 days worth of foodstuffs and alchohol.....

What a relief I'm thinking... :-P :-P :-P Then I hear all these car horns honking away and it starts getting louder as more join in :cake: :mrgnu: - as I finish wiping the craggy of my waggy (nice one Ian Dury!! :wink: ) with my strides still around my ankles....there's a looooooong line of cars & vans etc etc....all in a queue along this road.....and I have have just given them a full picture/video of something I'm sure they'll NEVER Forget!... :ewwwww: :speechless: :speechless: :speechless:

I blushed from head to toe :oops: :oops: :oops: .......and that blush lasted for the rest of the festival...and evrytime someone looked at me strange(ish) I was thinking oh!! Feck !!!!!! :shock: were they in that traffic jam queue!????.................

still

better out than in. :wink:
Classic story.

Lucky it was not this year when people could have filmed it and put it on Youtube.
Last edited by QuartzGooner on Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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g88ner
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Re: Ever been caught short at a footie match?

Post by g88ner »

mrgnu1958 wrote:I have once.
I was bursting for a number 2s as i entered wba ground years ago.
I headed straight for the bogs and sat me arse down.
You guessed it..NO TOILET PAPER.
I had to use the WBA programme.
At this point id like to say sorry to the great Cyril Regis...He was on the front cover. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
Solution is to flush the loo, and then use the water from the refilling toilet bowl to clean your arse... then leave, and remember to wash your hands!! :wink:
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mrgnu1958
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Post by mrgnu1958 »

thanks for that 25 years later
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QuartzGooner
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Post by QuartzGooner »

Or you sit in the sink and wash your arse that way.

No need to worry about what people think, the second they go into the toilet and see you debagged and sitting in a sink, they will run out anyway.
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g88ner
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Post by g88ner »

QuartzGooner wrote:Or you sit in the sink and wash your arse that way.
If it's a private bathroom then I'd agree, Quartz... but I'm not so sure I'd fancy cleaning my soiled ring piece in the sink of a public bathroom, with a horrified audience looking on! :? :? :lol:
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Gooner_Sam
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Post by Gooner_Sam »

Newcastle in the CC a couple of years back.. Needed a piss but I get pee shy :oops: so I went in the cubicle and somehow got the lock jammed, was stuck in the toilet for half an hour before I thought fuck it and climbed over the top! :oops:
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QuartzGooner
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Post by QuartzGooner »

g88ner wrote:
QuartzGooner wrote:Or you sit in the sink and wash your arse that way.
If it's a private bathroom then I'd agree, Quartz... but I'm not so sure I'd fancy cleaning my soiled ring piece in the sink of a public bathroom, with a horrified audience looking on! :? :? :lol:
Ah but if you re-read my post you will see that your worries are dealt with in the second sentence.

I know a bloke who pooed in his pants at his girlfriend's Christmas works meal in a resaturant.

He then finished off in the toilet, threw his soiled pants into the bin, and sat naked in the sink.

A man came in, took one look at him, and ran out shouting "Nooooo".

:wink:
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g88ner
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Post by g88ner »

QuartzGooner wrote:
g88ner wrote:
QuartzGooner wrote:Or you sit in the sink and wash your arse that way.
If it's a private bathroom then I'd agree, Quartz... but I'm not so sure I'd fancy cleaning my soiled ring piece in the sink of a public bathroom, with a horrified audience looking on! :? :? :lol:
Ah but if you re-read my post you will see that your worries are dealt with in the second sentence.

I know a bloke who pooed in his pants at his girlfriend's Christmas works meal in a resaturant.

He then finished off in the toilet, threw his soiled pants into the bin, and sat naked in the sink.

A man came in, took one look at him, and ran out shouting "Nooooo".

:wink:
:lol: :lol:
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12thGooner
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Post by 12thGooner »

Gooner_Sam wrote:Newcastle in the CC a couple of years back.. Needed a piss but I get pee shy :oops: so I went in the cubicle and somehow got the lock jammed, was stuck in the toilet for half an hour before I thought fuck it and climbed over the top! :oops:

It took you half an hour to figure that one out..... Jeez the youth of today...
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