As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
kiff wrote:At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 22 stones.
He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.
After 3 or 4 beers, the queer guy finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian.
Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers.
At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.
Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?"
"I'm not sure", the big scouser replies - "Something about a job."
DITTO KIFF!! ALTHOUGH AS YOU ARE A NEWCOMER, YOU CAN BE FORGIVEN!!
WELCOME TO THE FORUM MATEY AND FEEL FREE TO CONTRIBUTE.
Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The
shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too
high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc
says "I'll give you some cream for that."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That's like Tom Jones syndrome.
'Is it common? '
"It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my
backside."
"How's that?"
"Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me
a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or
my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its
Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other
one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They
left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was
nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
A bar is empty except for two patrons. One of them staggers over to the other and says, "How's it going? Where you from?"
The other guy says "Ireland."
The first drunk says "That's cool! I'm from Ireland too! Let's have a round for Ireland!" They both drink merrily.
Then the first guy says "So where in Ireland are you from?"
"Cork"
"Cork? Awesome! I'm from Cork too! Let's have another round for Cork!" Once again, they both drink merrily.
Then the first guy asks, "So where did you go to school?"
"St. Patricks, class of '62" answers the other guy.
"Incredible! I graduated in '62 from St. Patricks, too! Let's have a round for St. Patricks's!" Once again, they **** down another round.
Just then, one of the bar regulars walks in and sits at the bar. He asks the bartender, "So what's going on today?"
The bartender answers, "Nothing... The O'Malley twins are drunk again
_________________
I KNEW THAT!! I COULD TELL BY THE WINK AT THE END.
EASY TO WIND-UP? I THINK YOU MUST BE CONFUSING ME WITH ONE2SMOOTH . SO, JUST FOR CLARIFICATION PURPOSES, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO WIND-UP A MAN THAT IS SO RELAXED DUE TO SMOKING SKUNK FROM MORNING TO NIGHT THAT HE MAKES A COMATOSED PATIENT LOOK HYPER-ACTIVE!!
Last edited by I Hate Hleb on Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
ALTHOUGH AS YOU ARE A NEWCOMER, YOU CAN BE FORGIVEN!! 
I thought those voices were my friends 
