A few jokes
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northbankdamien
- Posts: 142
- Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:11 pm
ok this is old and a bit sick
Two guys named Bob and Dave went camping in the mountains and after spending four days together, were getting a little testy. One morning, Dave says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today, I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over campfire." Bob agrees and hikes south.
Dave hikes north. That night over dinner, Dave tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated overhead all day. How was your day?"
Bob says: "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp. "Wow!!" Dave exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says Bob, "I couldn't find her head."
Two guys named Bob and Dave went camping in the mountains and after spending four days together, were getting a little testy. One morning, Dave says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today, I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over campfire." Bob agrees and hikes south.
Dave hikes north. That night over dinner, Dave tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated overhead all day. How was your day?"
Bob says: "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp. "Wow!!" Dave exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says Bob, "I couldn't find her head."
My poor old Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly
despondent over the recent death of her husband(my Uncle). She decided that she would
just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to the family, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast
Later that night........ My poor old Aunt was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee...!
despondent over the recent death of her husband(my Uncle). She decided that she would
just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to the family, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast
Later that night........ My poor old Aunt was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee...!
Harry is in the VIP lounge of a transatlantic airline when he sees Richard Branson.
Harry goes up to him and asks a favour."I'm meeting an important client in a few minutes,"says Harry."Would you mind just passing by and saying hello? It would really impress my client if he thought i knew you."
Mr Branson agrees to this harmless request and a few minutes later he spots Harry deep in conversation with his client.He walks over,taps Harry on the shoulder,and says,"Hi,Harry.How are you doing?"
Harry turns round and says,"Fuck off,Branson,I'm busy"
Kevin Keegan Announces He Will Be Bringing In Some New Faces To Newcastle
Peter Beardsley asked If He Can Have One
DON'T STEAL!
the government doesn't like competition
Rumor has it that heath ledger died of shock and not because of sleeping pills..seems he was a life long spuds fan..
Harry goes up to him and asks a favour."I'm meeting an important client in a few minutes,"says Harry."Would you mind just passing by and saying hello? It would really impress my client if he thought i knew you."
Mr Branson agrees to this harmless request and a few minutes later he spots Harry deep in conversation with his client.He walks over,taps Harry on the shoulder,and says,"Hi,Harry.How are you doing?"
Harry turns round and says,"Fuck off,Branson,I'm busy"
Kevin Keegan Announces He Will Be Bringing In Some New Faces To Newcastle
Peter Beardsley asked If He Can Have One
DON'T STEAL!
the government doesn't like competition
Rumor has it that heath ledger died of shock and not because of sleeping pills..seems he was a life long spuds fan..
