asked my mum what she had bought me for my birthday?
She said, "I've bought you an Apple Mac."
Most people would be over the moon with hearing this, I'm not 'cause...
My name is Mac.
I was watching my little brother the other day play with his buzz light year toy when he suddenly threw it out the window thinking it would fly, however to his dismay it hit the ground and shattered. Stupid little shit, he forgot to press the release button for the wings.
I was dating a conjoined twin a while back. She ended up finishing with me...
After catching me fucking her sister behind her back
Bad Jokes
keep em coming!-
MegaGooner
- Posts: 2710
- Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 9:27 pm
- Location: every full moon
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Deise Gooner
- Posts: 1749
- Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:19 pm
- Location: Waterford, Ireland...@GunnerRyan
Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get
me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been
living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.
What is nasal sex?
F*ck nose.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for f*cks sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big
fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting
your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's
voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or
lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat Twat, I was talking to the cat!'
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!
Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small
white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and
says, 'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom
machine. They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert
£2 and push knob in'.
me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been
living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.
What is nasal sex?
F*ck nose.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for f*cks sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big
fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting
your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's
voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or
lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat Twat, I was talking to the cat!'
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!
Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small
white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and
says, 'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom
machine. They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert
£2 and push knob in'.
-
frankbutcher
- Posts: 3857
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:07 pm
- Location: Arsenal's Treatment Room
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GunnerRyan
- Posts: 207
- Joined: Thu Oct 22, 2009 1:52 am
- Location: Romford
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maddog
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 10:35 pm
- Location: Block 11 Rear in North Bank / Walthamstow
More from the dark side
I would just like to say to any japanese person watching that i am sorry for your lose's and that i feel the pain you're going through..
i once spilt a pint of water on my ps3 and was also extremely gutted. Sky news -
I used to think it was a terrible prejudice that people said that all Japanese people look the same but I think I can see it now.
They're all piss wet through and crying!
'Panic Buying Spreads, After Japan Quake'
I'm not sure how Utterly Butterly is going to help...
I always thought the Mexican Wave was pretty impressive
Them Japs don't like to be beat
BBC NEWS: Thousands of Japanese men have been seen washing up on the beaches of Japan. Now, I'm no sexist but surely in times of crisis they should be letting the women stick to what they are good at
I'm no longer with my Japanese girlfriend.
We kind of drifted apart.
And finally a friendly family non Japanese one ….
Our son asked what we'd like as a Silver Wedding present, so I told him to surprise us, but hinted at a stay in one of those hotels that Lenny Henry goes to on the telly.
So here we are in Ethiopia in a hut built entirely from cow dung.
i once spilt a pint of water on my ps3 and was also extremely gutted. Sky news -
I used to think it was a terrible prejudice that people said that all Japanese people look the same but I think I can see it now.
They're all piss wet through and crying!
'Panic Buying Spreads, After Japan Quake'
I'm not sure how Utterly Butterly is going to help...
I always thought the Mexican Wave was pretty impressive
Them Japs don't like to be beat
BBC NEWS: Thousands of Japanese men have been seen washing up on the beaches of Japan. Now, I'm no sexist but surely in times of crisis they should be letting the women stick to what they are good at
I'm no longer with my Japanese girlfriend.
We kind of drifted apart.
And finally a friendly family non Japanese one ….
Our son asked what we'd like as a Silver Wedding present, so I told him to surprise us, but hinted at a stay in one of those hotels that Lenny Henry goes to on the telly.
So here we are in Ethiopia in a hut built entirely from cow dung.
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Rugby Gooner
- Posts: 3421
- Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 8:25 pm
- Location: Rugby
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brazilianGOONER
- Posts: 9208
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:27 am
- Location: i think we're parked, man
- Contact:
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storrmin571
- Posts: 3304
- Joined: Sat Aug 01, 2009 4:10 pm
- Location: PONTYPANDY FIRE STATION
