Thurday Joke Thread

storrmin571 · Post by **storrmin571** » Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:48 am

Sky News are reporting that the Irish have joined in the attack on Libya. They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement. It was a mortar attack

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts "That's just for starters!"

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says "Curry Ok?" I said "Go on then, just one song then bugger off

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his mum to come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored, and just when mum comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend.

One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want." "What do you mean?" he asks. "Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"HELL NO!" he cries, "you've got teeth down here!" "Don't be ridiculous," she responds "there's no such thing as teeth down there!" "Yes there are," he says, "my mum told me so".

"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek. "No I'm sorry" he says. "My mum already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there" The boy takes a good long look and replies "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

storrmin571 · Post by **storrmin571** » Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:55 am

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing... What was he singing, you ask??? "I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."

storrmin571 · Post by **storrmin571** » Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:56 am

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director" she answered. "Interesting" the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Rugby Gooner · Post by **Rugby Gooner** » Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:23 pm

My mates missus has just left him,taking his Bob Marley collection,and the satellite dish.He is gutted,
No Woman,No Sky.

Rugby Gooner · Post by **Rugby Gooner** » Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:27 pm

I was talking to a girl in the pub the other night,and I said to her,"You remind me of my little toe."She said," Is it because I am small and cute?""No" ,I replied,"It's because I will probably end up banging you on my coffee table later on."