Wet Miserable Tuesday Joke Thread

goonersid · Post by **goonersid** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:35 am

flash gunner wrote:I was watching Sky news with the sound turned down last night I cant believe Fatima Whitbread has been shot dead in Libya

Post it as many times as you want Flash, it still won't be funny

Post by **flash gunner** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:38 am

goonersid wrote:
flash gunner wrote:I was watching Sky news with the sound turned down last night I cant believe Fatima Whitbread has been shot dead in Libya
Post it as many times as you want Flash, it still won't be funny

corkbarry · Post by **corkbarry** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 9:18 am

flash gunner wrote:
goonersid wrote:
flash gunner wrote:I was watching Sky news with the sound turned down last night I cant believe Fatima Whitbread has been shot dead in Libya
Post it as many times as you want Flash, it still won't be funny

I smiled.

( in a pitying sort of way)

Post by **flash gunner** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 9:26 am

corkbarry wrote:
flash gunner wrote:
goonersid wrote:
flash gunner wrote:I was watching Sky news with the sound turned down last night I cant believe Fatima Whitbread has been shot dead in Libya
Post it as many times as you want Flash, it still won't be funny

I smiled.

( in a pitying sort of way)

Dont make it worse Barry mate

Post by **flash gunner** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 9:53 am

I'll give it another go

Police marksmen covering disturbances at Dale Farm have been required to open fire three times........They won a goldfish, teddybear and an inflateable hammer!

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:56 pm

Was banging a lass over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"

Thinking back I should probably have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day

frankbutcher · Post by **frankbutcher** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 1:01 pm

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we've got no jobs, no cash and no hope.

goonersid · Post by **goonersid** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 2:14 pm

Paddyâ€™s wife has never had an orgasm, so they decide to go to the doctor to find out why.

After a number of tests and questions the doc suggests that Paddyâ€™s wife may be overheating during sex.

Paddy refuses to buy a fan and instead invites his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex.

After 20 minutes of wafting, still no orgasm, so his mate suggests a swap.
â€œIâ€™ll shag her and you waft the towelâ€

Post by **brazilianGOONER** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:13 pm

DB10GOONER wrote:
TheCook wrote:I said to my barber 'I want my hair cut like Tom Cruise'

So he gave me a big cushion to sit on.

I am aware there is a running joke about one of the mods being a proper shortarse, but as I'm not in the clique, I'm unsure as to which one. Feel free to edit the above for the purposes of this joke.

That'll be Spudmasher.

mcdowell42 · Post by **mcdowell42** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:23 pm

The government have advised people to watch out that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.

I think I'll be alright though. My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.

This guy from over the road was talking to me earlier.

"My wife's just told me she's been having an affair with Dave the milkman," he confided.

"What? That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

"Yes," he laughed, cheering up.

"Why would Dave the milkman want to shag that?"

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.

scfc64 · Post by **scfc64** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:50 pm

Whats black with two broken arms ?

Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.

SteveO 35 · Post by **SteveO 35** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:54 pm

scfc64 wrote:Whats black with two broken arms ?

Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.

Are you coming to the Bowl on Sunday my friend ?

scfc64 · Post by **scfc64** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:12 pm

SteveO 35 wrote:
scfc64 wrote:Whats black with two broken arms ?

Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.
Are you coming to the Bowl on Sunday my friend ?

Yes indeed,here now,just posted on the match thread. Looking forward to it,nice weekend away too (its great down here) off out for some dinner,enjoy the match!

mcdowell42 · Post by **mcdowell42** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:38 pm

scfc64 wrote:
SteveO 35 wrote:
scfc64 wrote:Whats black with two broken arms ?

Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.
Are you coming to the Bowl on Sunday my friend ?
Yes indeed,here now,just posted on the match thread. Looking forward to it,nice weekend away too (its great down here) off out for some dinner,enjoy the match!

What are the opening times at the Zoo

scfc64 · Post by **scfc64** » Sat Oct 22, 2011 7:33 am

mcdowell42 wrote:
scfc64 wrote:
SteveO 35 wrote:
scfc64 wrote:Whats black with two broken arms ?

Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.
Are you coming to the Bowl on Sunday my friend ?
Yes indeed,here now,just posted on the match thread. Looking forward to it,nice weekend away too (its great down here) off out for some dinner,enjoy the match!

What are the opening times at the Zoo

We just missed the Chimps tea party!