joke thread

[brazilianGOONER]

i just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend.

she says she doesn't look forward to see me anymore

[arseofacrow]

[DarylAFC]

What's the difference between a square and Liverpool FC?

A square has 4 points...


I'll be here all week

[BournemouthRED]

i just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend.

she says she doesn't look forward to see me anymore

[DB10GOONER]

Anyone going to post any you know actual jokes on this McDowell-esque thread?

[MegaGooner]

What's the difference between a certain WUM on this forum(the wrongly probed one) and a magnet?
















A magnet has a positive side.

[corkbarry]

Anyone going to post any you know actual jokes on this McDowell-esque thread?

I better help BG again


Christy Brown got a parrot for his bithday and tried teaching it to talk .

Say "Cwisti" he says , but the parrot ignores him , say " Cwisti ye kwunt", but still the parrot ignores him ,

Christy then gets very angry and kicks the parrots cage and says " say Cwisti ye tupit cwunt ",

the parrot turns his head to him and says " Would ya ever fuck off ya retard , ya can't even fucking say it yerself

A Swiss man, on holiday in Ireland, needed directions. He was standing outside one of the grottiest pubs in Cork, The Franciscan Well, when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks, "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"

The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français ?" he tries.

The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" The Cork lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. One of the boys turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!"

"Why?" says the youth, "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!"


A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.

One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

“Really?”,

one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?”

“Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.

“Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed.

Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”


How yodeling began

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of
Switzerland .

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He
went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could , but he had to sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who was that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow is traveling through," said the farmer. " He needs a place to
stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate
of food and then took it out to the barn to the stranger.

About an hour later, the daughter returned to the house. Her clothing all
disheveled and straw in her hair and straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps
the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine,from the cellar, took
it out to the barn, and she too did not return to the house for an hour.

Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly and she also
headed straight to her bed.

The next morning at sunrise the stranger got up and continued on
his journey, waving to the farmer as he left the farm.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke
into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We
made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for
the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my
daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountain side, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

"LAIDTHEOLADEETO O"
_________________

____________

[Top Londoner]

[brazilianGOONER]

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.

One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

“Really?”,

one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?”

“Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.

“Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed.

Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

There was a perfectly good joke thread in which i posted many fine jokes.......what's this.....vanity thread

Come on (proper mods) lock this piece of cheap foriegn imitation shite down

[corkbarry]

You calling me a foreigner?

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

You calling me a foreigner?

Did you start the thread

But as you are from cork........yes

[DB10GOONER]

As this one is shit and Lefty "revived" the other one, I'm locking this one down.