LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

"Take me back to your place and fuck me up the arse!" Some fat girl demanded last night.

"I would but I don't have any lubricant," I said.

"Oh you won't need any, I'm very loose," she winked.

"Maybe so," I replied, "but my door frame is very narrow."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Rafael Benitez arrives home to find his wife lying naked on the bed with her arse in the air.

"What the hell are you doing!?" He shouts

"I thought this is what you liked." replied his wife

"No love, I said I was interimming!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I was out clothes shopping when I tried to squeeze into a sexy jumper.

But after a four storey fall from the car park, she was too broken up.

[flash gunner]

Sorry about your family member lefty.... Great jokes as always

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Two epileptic midgets are opening up a pizza place across town next week.

They're calling it 'Little Seizures'.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Sorry about your family member lefty.... Great jokes as always

Cheers Flash, appreciated

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

10 p.m Channel 4 - Living with my stalker.

Fucking hell, talk about leading someone on.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Football Manager 13. Select your difficulty: Amateur, semi-pro, professional, legendary, Chelsea.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Depression is a growing concern amongst top flight football managers.

A new survey suggests that they will all get The Blues at some point in their career.

[Mr Eboue]

Who's the coolest person in a hospital.... The Ultra Sound Doctor....

Who's the coolest person in a hospital when the ultra sound doctor is off......The Hip Replacement Doctor.

How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm..... Follow the Fresh Prints(prince)


Thank You, I'm here all week.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

It's not really cheating if you keep your fingers crossed.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Mark Hughes being sacked came as no surprise to me.

Harry Redknapp was in my branch of Kwik Fit yesterday getting his drivers window greased.

[DB10GOONER]

Gonna rename this thread!

Sorry for your loss, Lefty old mate.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Gonna rename this thread!

Sorry for your loss, Lefty old mate.

Cheers mate, really appreciated

[Top Londoner]

oh dear lefty

Every c unt is a critic.....or is that the other way round

Snicker.