LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[Top Londoner]

Lefty. You're a fucking legend pal. This thread should be a sticky mate.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Lefty. You're a fucking legend pal. This thread should be a sticky mate.

Cheers Mr Tops........I know what, let's start a march

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"Fuck off you *word censored*," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Rafa Benitez will get a warm reception when he returns to Anfield, the Liverpool fans still see him as one of their own. Probably because he hasn't had a job for two years!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I sexted my girlfriend today.

She sexted back, "Is it in yet?"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My mate bought one of those hybrid models on the internet earlier.

It's a Thai girl called Steve.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Reporter: "What do you think of QPR's position ?"

Redknapp: "I got more points on my licence by driving there."

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Thought I'd try fucking the wife up against the wall tonight.

Saying 1..2..3.. liiiiift didn't go down to well though.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

An old one but funny.....to me anyhow (maybe not to arsecrowcu.nt ).

A guy with a 25-inch pe nis went to a witch doctor and said,
"I can't live with this anymore! It's too long."

The witch doctor replied,
"Relax! There is a female frog in that swamp. Ask her to marry
you. She'll say 'No', and you'll lose 5 inches off your pe nis."

So he went to the swamp and found the female frog.

He asked her, "Will you marry me?"

"No!" she said.

He lost 5 inches off his pe nis! But 20 inches was still too long.

So he asked her again, "Will you marry me?"

The frog replied, "No!"

And the guy lost another 5 inches. 15 inches
was great! But 10 inches would be perfect.

So he asked her again, "Will you marry me?"

The frog responded,
"How many times do I have to tell you... NO! NO! NO!"

[donaldo]

My ex missus passed away last week.On her death bed she said Donaldo i have something to tell you before i go.She said she had slept with my brother my father and my uncle

I said i know thats why i poisoned you


My ex missues was like a condom she spent 95% in my pockets and 5% on my cock

[donaldo]

Whats the difference between Acne and a Catholic priest

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12


How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw

[brazilianGOONER]

Whats the difference between Acne and a Catholic priest

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

[MegaGooner]

Sorry for your loss LFLG.
Keep up the good work.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Sorry for your loss LFLG.
Keep up the good work.

Cheers dude

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The doctor gave me two months to live, so I went straight home and shot my parents...

It would have broken their hearts to see me die before them.